Keep your identity politics off my plate!
Another insensitive American tradition, trashed
Any good conservative blogge (and the one you are reading is good to the last drop) is hair-triggered to express outrage at the merest hint of touchy feely. (Looking at you, Joe Biden). Put another way, we were surreptitiously reading Mad magazine (R.I.P. Mort Drucker) during civics class. We laughed all the way through Terms of Endearment. We drink your milkshake and light our cigars off your votive candles.
“Let God sort ’em out” is our motto.
Which is a windy prologue to announcing that the survivalists at Blaska Experimental Work Farm are tire-biting mad (as Ed Anger would say over at the Weekly World News) over another assault on good-ol’ American hubris.
After nearly a century, Land O’Lakes is quietly removing the Indian maiden from its butter packaging. You read that right. “Multiple sources” report this sad news so it must be true. Damn and double damn!
A fine lady with the remarkable name of Lisa Bingenheimer (we s * * * you not) informs her social media friends:
My dad used to alter the box to make it look like the Indian lady’s boobs were under the box of butter … I may have to buy a box before things change just to show my offspring!
Now there is lady who was brought up right! We tip our tattered MAGA caps to Big Daddy Bingenheimer for transmitting solid American values. Well do we remember the cute college co-ed (as the female scholars were known back in the day) deftly working her scissors and, with a strategic bend and fold, initiating the young author of this turgid screed in the secrets of Land O’ Lakes butter. (Folks, if you’re still not getting it, click here. MUST BE 18! NOT SUITABLE FOR PROGRESSIVES!)
Blaska Rant paragraphs:
⇒ Will “woke” progressives never rest until they’ve uprooted the very foundation of American culture? Spare us your hissy fits, you liberal wonkers! How is this fine, lovely Indian maiden a slur on ethnic womanhood? Isn’t it enough you got Sacagawea on a dollar coin? (How did that work out?) Renamed Squaw Bay in Monona WI? Referred to it as “that NFL team in Washington?”
⇒ What’s next? Will Notre Dame’s “Fighting Irish” be renamed the “Peaceful Pajama Persons”?
A publication with the suspiciously progressive-sounding name of “Minnesota Reformer” broke the butter maiden story. It quotes a professor at an Ivy League college who expresses satisfaction that “there’s now going to be an entire generation of folks that are growing up without having to see that every time they walk in the grocery store.” Now on to curing the coronavirus!
Never mind that the Indian maiden has adorned the box of butter since 1928, or that it was redesigned in the 1950s by “a highly-successful Ojibwe artist from Red Lake” who wanted to “foster a sense of Indian pride” across the Midwest.
Butter is slavery!
Blaska’s Bottom Line: Another generation of snowflakes made safe from micro-aggression. Now on to freeing cows from their bondage to humans and their milking “machines.”