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Patronize someone else!
Democrats still pursue identity politics — aka racism. As we were saying about phonies, and the spotting thereof, Democrats are determined to dress up their grievance studies graduates in Carhartt and Dickies, the better to gull Dick Loudon’s rustic backwoodsmen — Larry, brother Daryl, and the other brother Daryl — into voting for microwavable socialism and nondenominational drag queen story hour. A few thrilling episodes ago, we observed that Rebecca Cooke can trudge through all the low-ceiling, red barns she wants, but the challenger to incumbent U.S. Rep. Derrick Van Orden in western Wisconsin is still a professional Democrat;…
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For $50 and the board, Alex, what is High Point?
Not just a church on Madison’s west side, apparently. March Madness is taking Blaska’s tormented mind out of the Straits of Hormuz while still broadening our limited horizons. There’s even a league called the Horizon League! (UW-Green Bay and Milwaukee are in it.) It’s one of 31 guaranteed a berth in the 68-team NCAA basketball tournament this week. (Thirty-one conferences!) Michigan’s head coach Saturday referred to one of our Badgers as “the Lithuanian.” Cut the coach some slack. You pronounce “Aleksas Bieliauskas.” The coach’s number 2-ranked Wolverines play a center from Spain. Number 1 Duke has an Italian born…
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Put up a statue of Chris Farley
down by the river! We interrupt our regular programming to help spread the most wonderful idea. You know it’s a great idea because Blaska didn’t think of it — so don’t blame the Head Groundskeeper. It’s time for a Chris Farley statue in Madison. Milwaukee has the Bronze Fonz, Minneapolis has Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat into the air, New York City may or may not have a Christopher Columbus statue (depending on the Woke temperature of the moment). None of those guys was born in those places. Chris Farley was born here, grew up in Maple Bluff,…
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What time is it boys & girls?
It’s time to go negative! Our time on this earth is all too brief, which is why we model our lives on this sacred principle: It’s never too early to go negative. If we have a book in us, it would repudiate that 1960s tie-dyed sugar bomb, I’m O.K. — You’re O.K. Some people aren’t, which is why we have prisons and elections. No, we don’t regard progressives as bad people. (Keep repeating, We don’t …) But their political philosophy is so toxic it elected Donald Trump. Which needs to be pointed out, often, and with a sharpened stick.…
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Spotting phonies
Just say no to chameleon candidates! Are you nervous around black people? (Do you poop out at parties? Well, DO YOU?! — Lucy Ricardo) Not in the sense of fearing your purse gets swiped (like that hilarious routine about the elevator). No, my Wonder Breads, you worry your black acquaintance won’t accept you for who you really are, that they can’t see past your guilty white epidermis. That, instead, they blame you for Bull Connors and Nipsey Russell. So you go out of your way to ingratiate. Let drop that you would have marched with Father Groppi back in…
Wife in Cart
Blaska Policy Werkes
"Many are invited but few are welcome." — Blaska family motto
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David Blaska
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No free garlic!
“He never let a pack of garlic go for free. 50 cents. Every time. You would think even the mayor could get some free garlic. Nope. Fifty Cents!” — Muslim mayor of Dearborn Heights MI about fast food clerk who smashed into Jewish synagogue.
Today’s Laff Riot!
“Media: No motive yet In attack on Jewish synagogue by radical Muslim.” — Babylon Bee