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Put up a statue of Chris Farley
down by the river! We interrupt our regular programming to help spread the most wonderful idea. You know it’s a great idea because Blaska didn’t think of it — so don’t blame the Head Groundskeeper. It’s time for a Chris Farley statue in Madison. Milwaukee has the Bronze Fonz, Minneapolis has Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat into the air, New York City may or may not have a Christopher Columbus statue (depending on the Woke temperature of the moment). None of those guys was born in those places. Chris Farley was born here, grew up in Maple Bluff,…
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What time is it boys & girls?
It’s time to go negative! Our time on this earth is all too brief, which is why we model our lives on this sacred principle: It’s never too early to go negative. If we have a book in us, it would repudiate that 1960s tie-dyed sugar bomb, I’m O.K. — You’re O.K. Some people aren’t, which is why we have prisons and elections. No, we don’t regard progressives as bad people. (Keep repeating, We don’t …) But their political philosophy is so toxic it elected Donald Trump. Which needs to be pointed out, often, and with a sharpened stick.…
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Spotting phonies
Just say no to chameleon candidates! Are you nervous around black people? (Do you poop out at parties? Well, DO YOU?! — Lucy Ricardo) Not in the sense of fearing your purse gets swiped (like that hilarious routine about the elevator). No, my Wonder Breads, you worry your black acquaintance won’t accept you for who you really are, that they can’t see past your guilty white epidermis. That, instead, they blame you for Bull Connors and Nipsey Russell. So you go out of your way to ingratiate. Let drop that you would have marched with Father Groppi back in…
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Put the kid in the game
We want more Isaac! Seated front row before the flickering b&w Philco, the Head Groundskeeper whooped and hollered when UW Badger basketball coach Greg Gard’s kid drained that 3-pointer Wednesday. Guessing you could hear Madison cheering all the way to Rockford. The game was already well in hand; the Badgers were blowing out the Maryland crab cake eaters when fans at the Kohl Center began chanting “We want Isaac.” Coach’s kid is always the last sub off the bench, lucky to get 30 seconds on the floor — and then only when his team has a mathematically insurmountable lead…
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More Woke Racism from The Capital Times
Progressives need victims! Mars needs women! My former employer is saying the quiet part out loud: that the WI Institute for Law & Liberty is racist. The emeritus editor of The Capital Times accuses the pro-bono conservative law firm of “[using] anti-racist policies for a racist cause:” With generous tax deductible funding from the right-wing Bradley Foundation of Milwaukee, the Wisconsin Institute for Law and Liberty — W.I.L.L. for short — has been successful in using those laws to allege discrimination against white people. Note the whiff of partisan brimstone! (Not that The Capital Times doesn’t offload some of…
Wife in Cart
Blaska Policy Werkes
"We can be bought but we cannot be bored." — Lynn Fontanne of Lunt & Fontanne
David Blaska
your irascible head groundskeeper
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Seize the moment
“Successive presidents have quibbled and vacillated as a vicious regime has waged war on us for almost half a century. Given an opportunity to inflict massive damage on that enemy, the president boldly seized it.” — Gerard Baker, Wall Street Journal
Step on your own story
“It was said of Winston Churchill that he mobilized the English language and sent it into battle. Donald Trump’s trick with the mother tongue is to douse it in gasoline, set it on fire and drop it in a dumpster in the middle of his own parade ground.” — Gerard Baker, same article
Today’s Laff Riot!
Right now in America there are protesters protesting the death of a man who murdered protesters for protesting.
Governor Pritzker is so toxic even the Chicago Bears want to leave Illinois.