Let’s invade Michigan’s Upper Peninsula!

Now, while we’ve got the muscle!

Irredentism most noble 

Thank you, Donald Trump, for voicing what We Deplorables have been thinking for Lo these many years. The United States must have Greenland! It is our manifest destiny. Go northeast, young man! To a new time zone!

Denmark is playing tough in the negotiations. Trump should acquire the islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon. (We could rent to own.) We’re guessing that France forgot they own those islands off Newfoundland, the pitiful remnants of their defeat at the hands of the British (as ratified in the Treaty of Paris 1763). (In 1903 the sparsely populated islands actually considered joining the United States. Now’s their chance!) The islands would serve as a jumping off base for the eventual invasion of Greenland, much as the U.S. hopscotched across the Pacific fighting Japan in WW 2. Many patriotic Hollywood productions could result.

Talk about a hostile takeoverThe Greenland grab is stirring expansionist impulses too-long dormant in the avaricious soul of every land-grabbing American patriot. 

SCHLITZKRIEG

The Policy Werkes is dusting off plans for Wisconsin’s invasion of the Upper Peninsula, which was awarded to Michigan as a consolation prize after its brief war with Ohio over the disputed Toledo Strip in 1835-36. At “the Frost-Bitten Convention,” Ohio got Toledo. In compensation, the Upper Peninsula was ripped from Wisconsin (not yet a state) and given to perfidious Michigan.

Did they consult with the bewhiskered pioneers of territorial Wisconsin? No they did not. They just took it with never so much as a How Di-Do. Anyone looking at a map can see God Himself attached the U.P. to Wisconsin, not Michigan. They’re all Packer fans, anyway.

The U.P. is believed to be rich in forest products, charcoal, and meat & potato pies. We must take it back.

STORMIN' SCOTT PRESS BRIEFING.jpeg

‘By this sign you will conquer’

Squire Blaska, the late Col. Tim Donovan, and the Venerable Meade devised a plan we call “Operation Wolverine” during the glorious reign of Scott, the Walker. Now tanned, rested, and ready, the Great Scott would lead the conquering army to establish a base in the U.P. for his eventual return to power in Madison, much like Napoleon from Elba. (Able was I ere I saw …)

The plan is simplicity itself, devised by simple people drinking Schlitz beer. 

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Operatives crowd the Colsac III car ferry at Merrimac with all-terrain vehicles. In mid-stream, we sever the cable and attach an outboard motor to the stern, propelling us up the Wisconsin River to Portage and thence up the Fox River to Green Bay. Upon the waters of Lake Michigan we reach Menominee (right across the river from Marinette) where we stage an amphibious landing. On shore, wearing Chinese robes and firing lightning sticks into the air, we claim that land for the People of Wisconsin in the name of Scott Walker the Reformer. 

Simultaneously, “deer hunters” staged at a hundred deer stands stream over the border to take over Upper Peninsula strip joints chanting, in unison, “The Reforms Are Working.” Air cover is provided by a Piper Cub taking off from Morey Field in Middleton. It will drop brochures with coupons for House on the Rock and various Wisconsin Dells attractions to pacify the befuddled inhabitants, few as they are.

upperMI659x368

Blaska’s Battle Line in the Sand: It will be weeks before the rest of Michigan down in the Lower Peninsula ever notice. By then it will be a fait accompli. (French for “you snooze, you lose.”) BONUS: Once under Wisconsin’s control, we would deny Rep. Tlaib entry.

Who’s With Me?

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About David Blaska

Madison WI
This entry was posted in Donald Trump, Scott Walker and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Let’s invade Michigan’s Upper Peninsula!

  1. Larsen E. Whipsnade says:

    Ya hey, Dave!

    Like

  2. old baldy says:

    I’m fluent in Yooper, but I won’t enlist in your cause. That country is a lot tougher to capture, and then manage, than you flatlanders realize. And a despot like walker wouldn’t last 10 minutes in a nest of real, free-thinking Yoopers.

    Like

    • Cornelius Gotchberg says:

      @hankdog/old baldy;

      ”I’m fluent in Yooper”

      You take an online course, because ‘Yooper’ ain’t the local lingo in Jack Pine Savage Country.

      “but I won’t enlist in your cause.”

      Mercifully, the “cause” won’t be the same without you.

      “That country is a lot tougher to capture, and then manage, than you flatlanders realize.”

      Hilarious. I can just hear the Lefties (your ideological, think-alike peeps) as they sniff haughtily & sneer condescendingly with wimpy, faux superiority at Ironwood Walmart, the Ontonagon Pat’s IGA, or Steiger’s Ace Home Center (Bessemer) customers thinking “what a bunch of dumb @$$ country f***s!”

      Got news for you; those same flaccidly enfeebled, self-anointed Lefties look at you & your Oconto/Shawano County compadres the EXACT_SAME_WAY.

      If those “free-thinking Yoopers” saw what you post here, I’d bet a 14” thin crust/double cheese/4 topping Angelo’s Pizza AND a fresh-from-the-oven Joe’s Pasty Shop Finnish Pasty that they’d kick yer over-sized keester to the curb in a New York minute and take their U.P. time doin’ it!

      And The Gotch, proudly clad in any number of his Hurley High Midgets sleeveless T’s, would be smiling approvingly as he took another pull on his brown-bagged 40!

      The Gotch

      Liked by 1 person

    • David Blaska says:

      A Republican represents the U.P. in Washington so what the hell you talking’ ’bout? Someone who wants to follow the Constitution, cut spending, and pass a balanced budget amendment.

      Like

  3. GARY KNOWLES says:

    I think it was during the Dreyfus Administration that then Sen.Lloyd Kincaid (“I’m the only person to ever survive a fatal heart attack…”) of Crandon and a few other northern rebels proposed to have several depressed northern Wisconsin counties secede from Wisconsin and join the UP to create “The State of Superior.” They would have immediately become the most depressed state in the Union and planned to petition for massive federal aid.

    Like

    • old baldy says:

      Geez, I had forgotten all about Lloyd “the Void” Kincaid. Thanks for the humorous memories. FWIW; Lloyd was originally elected as a D, but when they weren’t crazy enough for his tastes he switched to the R’s. He wasn’t much of a legislator, but he sure knew how to drink beer…

      Like

    • David Blaska says:

      Massive federal aid is what killed Baltimore. But I like his thinking.

      Like

  4. Gary L. Kriewald says:

    The US purchased great swathes of land from France, Russia, and Mexico. Why not Denmark? You’d think the Danes would be falling all over themselves to get rid of Greenland since it must cost a pretty penny to administer. The downside, of course, is that in a few years (or less) all the ice will melt and we’ll find ourselves with only a fraction of the territory we paid for.

    Like

  5. Tom Paine says:

    I stumbled into the wrong bar………..you folks are talking about non-issues. Trump doesn’t speak Greenland, nor does he speak Snow or Rock. Nor do you.

    Get back to important subjects like how much your electric rates are about to rise because of solar power array’s that are being built? Or, how do we make this the new theme song for the Progressive Magazine? /youtu.be/MFeJJAQPiK4

    Or, can the Progressives have a protest action to transform the blue-green algae so that the lakes are once again pure as the driven snow and available for dog-bathing?

    Like

  6. George's Son says:

    The Squire shows the benefit of learning from history, not repeating it. Dare I remind: the “Bahia de Cochinos” ? Note no reliance on airplanes that never show up, no surreptitious CIA partners, just plain ol’ ATV’s and the Scooter. Soon we’ll be sippin’ Pabst outta the helmets of the Michigan National Guard…..

    Like

  7. dad29 says:

    I’d be inclined to assist you in your Northern Adventure, so long as we can return before October 15th, the day the frost goes to 5′ deep up there.

    Like

  8. Cornelius Gotchberg says:

    “ ‘deer hunters’ staged at a hundred deer stands stream over the border to take over Upper Peninsula strip joints chanting…” (bolds mine)

    They won’t have much luck; there’s only one (1) strip club in the entire U.P., Big Bon’s in unincorporated Rock (Maple Ridge TWSP/Delta County).

    However, you head west from Ironwood, MI on U.S. Hwy. 2/Business Route across the Montreal River into Hurley, WI (Where Hwy 51 Ends And The Fun Begins!) and you hit infamous Silver Street AND at least eight (8) of those…um…establishments within the first block.

    The Gotch

    Like

    • David Blaska says:

      Clearly our task force needs better intelligence.

      Like

      • Cornelius Gotchberg says:

        “Clearly our task force needs better intelligence.”

        With this, The Gotch may be of some help. We’ll be in Iron County on the 31st to observe the reopening of Saxon Harbor, a strategic asset of infinite importance in the laying siege to Little Girl’s Point (a former rum-runner’s safe haven) & securing the coastal Porkies in order to establish a western beachhead.

        There’s also an in at the both Iron County Miner (Published Weekly, Read Daily), which holds promise as the rural print reincarnation of Tokyo Rose, and Pence’s Reinerio’s Sausage Company, with whom you may contract for provisions.

        Package Goods (40’s, Korbel©™®, & the like)? It starts-n-ends at The Brite Spot II, located (and this where it gets good!) on that first block of Silver Street!

        The Gotch

        Like

  9. dad29 says:

    One suspects that Gotch’s intel on Silver Street will be gathered with far more diligence than necessary for the op.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cornelius Gotchberg says:

      @dad29;

      While The Gotch is not given to overdoing Strategery, is it even possible for one to be TOO cautious in the pursuit of the pure, the powerful, & the positive?

      The Gotch

      Like

  10. madisonexpat says:

    I was told that the reason Michigan got the U.P. was because Wisconsin got first choice.

    Liked by 1 person

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