Now, while we’ve got the muscle!
Irredentism most noble
Thank you, Donald Trump, for voicing what We Deplorables have been thinking for Lo these many years. The United States must have Greenland! It is our manifest destiny. Go northeast, young man! To a new time zone!
Denmark is playing tough in the negotiations. Trump should acquire the islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon. (We could rent to own.) We’re guessing that France forgot they own those islands off Newfoundland, the pitiful remnants of their defeat at the hands of the British (as ratified in the Treaty of Paris 1763). (In 1903 the sparsely populated islands actually considered joining the United States. Now’s their chance!) The islands would serve as a jumping off base for the eventual invasion of Greenland, much as the U.S. hopscotched across the Pacific fighting Japan in WW 2. Many patriotic Hollywood productions could result.
Talk about a hostile takeover! The Greenland grab is stirring expansionist impulses too-long dormant in the avaricious soul of every land-grabbing American patriot.
The Policy Werkes is dusting off plans for Wisconsin’s invasion of the Upper Peninsula, which was awarded to Michigan as a consolation prize after its brief war with Ohio over the disputed Toledo Strip in 1835-36. At “the Frost-Bitten Convention,” Ohio got Toledo. In compensation, the Upper Peninsula was ripped from Wisconsin (not yet a state) and given to perfidious Michigan.
Did they consult with the bewhiskered pioneers of territorial Wisconsin? No they did not. They just took it with never so much as a How Di-Do. Anyone looking at a map can see God Himself attached the U.P. to Wisconsin, not Michigan. They’re all Packer fans, anyway.
The U.P. is believed to be rich in forest products, charcoal, and meat & potato pies. We must take it back.
Squire Blaska, the late Col. Tim Donovan, and the Venerable Meade devised a plan we call “Operation Wolverine” during the glorious reign of Scott, the Walker. Now tanned, rested, and ready, the Great Scott would lead the conquering army to establish a base in the U.P. for his eventual return to power in Madison, much like Napoleon from Elba. (Able was I ere I saw …)
The plan is simplicity itself, devised by simple people drinking Schlitz beer.
Operatives crowd the Colsac III car ferry at Merrimac with all-terrain vehicles. In mid-stream, we sever the cable and attach an outboard motor to the stern, propelling us up the Wisconsin River to Portage and thence up the Fox River to Green Bay. Upon the waters of Lake Michigan we reach Menominee (right across the river from Marinette) where we stage an amphibious landing. On shore, wearing Chinese robes and firing lightning sticks into the air, we claim that land for the People of Wisconsin in the name of Scott Walker the Reformer.
Simultaneously, “deer hunters” staged at a hundred deer stands stream over the border to take over Upper Peninsula strip joints chanting, in unison, “The Reforms Are Working.” Air cover is provided by a Piper Cub taking off from Morey Field in Middleton. It will drop brochures with coupons for House on the Rock and various Wisconsin Dells attractions to pacify the befuddled inhabitants, few as they are.
Blaska’s Battle Line in the Sand: It will be weeks before the rest of Michigan down in the Lower Peninsula ever notice. By then it will be a fait accompli. (French for “you snooze, you lose.”) BONUS: Once under Wisconsin’s control, we would deny Rep. Tlaib entry.