In time for Tuesday’s primary elections!
It’s not quite an October Surprise but newly appointed state elections supervisor Mike Gableman this morning unveiled the next best thing. Dogged by accusations of stolen elections, the former state supreme court justice announced that Wisconsin’s optically scanned ballot system will be replaced by a “proven, tamper-proof technology, something that even the Deep State can’t F-up, something called “automatic voting machines.” (Gableman made finger-waggling air quotes for emphasis.)
Gableman explained that a trove of machines, last used in the 1970s, was discovered in a warehouse in Burlington owned by activists demanding the recall of Robin Vos, “the RINO.”
“You never heard of a stolen election when we used those machines,” Gableman smirked. Also, early-voter ballots have been shredded. “Gotta vote Election Day, as God intended” he announced.
Madison city clerk Maribeth Witzel-Behl (shown above in high heels and lipstick) demonstrated how the machines work. “Got this cute curtain you pull behind you, for the ultimate in security and privacy. Then you click all these levers next to the candidates of your choice. Pulling the handle opens the curtain and causes a satisfying ‘CHUNK!’ noise. That’s your assurance that your vote has been counted!”
Republican party chairman Brian Schimming told the assembled news media at this morning’s press conference, “Had these machines been in place four years ago, Donald Trump would now be President and running for a third term, and Mike Pence wouldn’t be in hiding.”
Blaska’s Bottom Line: Like the advertisement says, This is TODAY, April 1, 2024, not one hundred years ago!
3 responses to “Wisconsin adopts new voting machines”
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WHY_HAS_IT_NOT_BEEN_BANNED?
The Gotch
Now there’s a concept. Love it, Dave
I do miss that ol THUNK!! 🙂