Judge Dredd, Meet the parents!

As parental advice, it’s up there with Ma Barker.

“You have to learn not to get caught,” the mother of the Michigan school shooter advised.

What is chilling is that as school counsellors met with the 15-year-old sophomore and his parents, the semi-automatic handgun — an early Christmas present (Sig Sauers ain’t cheap!) — was nested in the boy’s backpack in that very room. That afternoon, Ethan Crumbley came out of the can blazing. The toll: four dead, seven injured.

The kid may as well have announced his murderous intentions over the school loud speaker. That morning, he’s drawing bullets and blood. The day before, a teacher espied young Crumbley searching for ammo on his smartphone.

Mommie Dearest movie still

Mommie Dearest was no role model. She texted her boy, “LOL, I’m not mad at you. You have to learn not to get caught.” Four observations and a prescription:

1) So much for the assertion shared by the anarchists at Freedom Inc. and their enablers at Progressive Dane, Madison Teachers Inc. and The Capital Times: that counsellors can replace cops in school. For all the good it did at Oxford MI high school.

2) Some parents are just no damn good at parenting.

3) The school should have yanked young Crumbley then and there. But today’s Woke angst opposes expulsion.

4) It’s politically safer to assert all of the above because young Crumbley is white as Wonder Bread.

Counsel this! 

After being rousted out of hiding in a Detroit warehouse 45 miles south of Oxford MI Friday 12-03-21, Mom and Dad Crumbley have been charged with involuntary manslaughter. It’s unusual to charge parents, the lawyerly tell us.

Let’s fix that! Let’s make it the usual, with a twist of lemon— as common as a coffee break at a state office building. As regular as the taste tester at the Sunsweet prune juice bottler. As frequent as a car warranty solicitation.

If parents aren’t responsible for their minor offspring, who is? The Blaska Policy Werkes correspondence school teaches Accountability 101 for credit. (Easy terms available.)

→ Speaking of which, that Woke, low-bail district attorney in Milwaukee throws an underling under the bus, leaves her out to dry. Inexperienced? After 2½ years on the job? Overworked? Probably. What do overworked assistants do? They implement the boss’s polices on auto-pilot. 

•  The 13 year old who rolls a stolen car on Rimrock Road stoned on a school day morning? Charge the little bastard’s poor excuse for a parent(s) with a corresponding crime!

•  The 16 year old who administered a beatdown to the classmate outside of West high school? Charge his parental units, too. (More here.)

•  The 15 year old who stabbed another kid at the fast food place on Verona Road? Judge Dredd, Meet the Parents!

A little legislation, Mr. Speaker

Speaker Vos, draft legislation. No doubt, Democrats will blame global warming; the Woke will cry Racism! in a crowded classroom. The ACLU will challenge; one-term Gov. Tony Evers will veto. Good! A fight worth fighting!

Ultimately, some kids need to be yanked out of their dysfunctional cribs and placed in the fenced residential school we envision for the shuttered Oscar Mayer plant. (Explained here.) Litigating their guardians will expedite state guardianship. Maybe these poor souls can be turned around with a little tough counselling.

Blaska’s Bottom Line: Parents besieging the school board over critical race theory aren’t the problem, Mr. Garland. At least they care.

How likely is this Great Idea?

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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5 Responses to Judge Dredd, Meet the parents!

  1. sentient7 says:

    Attitude adjustment — send deviants to structured environment of military school where real penalties for transgressions are actualized. Failure there? Then Lincoln Hills………… and failure of both of those? 20 years without parole as public nuisances to society. Sorry for such a mild remedy.


    • georgessson says:

      Good point, my man… Yes, I had some ne’er-do-well pals who were sent there, (says sumthin’ about my wild youth…). And it turned about 80% of us around, even just hearing about it. Of course, in those days it was truancy, shoplifting and the occasional car w/ the keys in it.

      Thus, we NEVER had a need for an SRO, much less a copt stationed outside for a few days. SIGH…


  2. One eye says:

    I doubt a cop at that school would have made a difference.

    A metal detector would have.

    I often wonder if crime victims ever sue the parents.


    • patrickmoloughlin says:

      I disagree. What happened to make the little miscreant stop shooting? He had at least another 30 rounds on him that he could have used. But as soon as somebody else with a gun showed up, he dropped the gun, threw up his hands and surrendered. That seems to have been his plan all along, so if a cop shows up sooner, he stops shooting sooner. The shooting never stops until the other gun shows up. Some, like the Sandy Hook, Las Vegas and VA Tech shooters, use that occasion to take their own life. More of them do what this guy did, and just surrender. A few will choose to shoot it out, but that seems to happen less often. Matters not which it is, they all stop the shooting.

      A cop at the school will always make a difference.


  3. patrickmoloughlin says:

    When this story first broke, I thought “Those parents might be held accountable if they didn’t secure that weapon.”

    Then it turns out to be his early Christmas present, and the parents insist he stay at school that day, instead of being removed from class, immediately prior to the shooting. They then withdraw $4,000 cash and go on the run. Accessory to First Degree Murder sounds about right.


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