Facebook redemption 

We have escaped Facebook Jail! For three days and nights we rotted inside the rank hole of oblivion, unable to share our paranoia and recrimination with the rest of the world. Was it something we said?

We crawled through 500 yards of filth and came out the other side even meaner.  

We do miss some of the guys we left behind: Red, Heywood, Tommy, Brooks (RIP) — and Donald Trump. (But NOT the Sisters!) The Facebook parole board stamped DENIED on The Donald’s application for early release. That means he’s locked up until at least 2023. Said he wasn’t “rehabilitated.” 

Didn’t help that Prisoner #45 — as he appears on the Facebook Jail roster — held a rally in the yard claiming that Nancy Pelosi framed him — that he is innocent. (Everyone in Facebook Jail is innocent, so he fit right in.) The yard was so stoked that they stormed the guardhouse, to no avail. You can’t call it an insurrection, since none of us had firearms. Although Red did scrounge a bottle of hair tonic, which we drank.

After that, on the daily hour in the courtyard, Inmate Trump would stare wistfully at our limited horizon and declare (arm pointed), “Mr. Zuckerberg, Tear Down These Walls.” Talk about a role reversal! But very presidential! 

Inmate #45 ingratiated himself to the warden by completely gutting the library that Andy Dufresne built. Turned it into an exclusive luxury lounge for senior Facebook employees. “On time and under budget” he liked to boast. It’s got a jacuzzi and a great view of the rock pile. At tax time, he does all the guards’ income tax appeals. Runs the warden’s fake charities. Made a You Tube video with Ron Johnson (a newbie) but we can’t find it.

Hope is a dangerous thing. Drive a man insane. Thinks he’ll get out in August and be restored to his rightful place. “But first, I’m going to Wyoming to ‘settle some business.’” That might explain the Liz Cheney poster in his cell.

We left directions with Prisoner #45 for a certain rock on a fence line in Maricopa County AZ. There he will find thousands of ballots (no bamboo) marked “Trump/Pence.” Fake, of course. But then, there’s that thing about hope.

Blaska’s Bottom Line: Like they say, either get busy living or get busy recounting ballots.

What are YOU in for?