Have a very Stately Christmas — In JAIL!

It’s beginning to look a lot like a freezing cold, Global Climate Change Christmas at Stately Blaska Manor.

The electrified barbwire fence is decorated with garlands of evergreen and holly. The guard tower beams gaily colored search lights on the surrounding neighborhood. The little lights are not twinkling (“Thanks for noticing, Ed”) on the holiday buckthorn tree. Probably a blown fuse. Fix it next year.

Cousin Eddie stopped by to empty the black water from his tenement on wheels into the storm drain. He’s stocking up on dog chow, now.

The indentured servants are singing “Twelves Days of Christmas” from Twisted Sister’s Christmas album (“… Six cans of hair spray/ f-i-i-i-i-i-ive skullhead ri-i-i-i-i-ings/ four quarts of Jack/ three studded belts/ two pairs of spandex pants/ – and a tattoo of Ozzy Osborne.”

The white lab coats at the Policy Werkes (and Tanning Salon) are key punching their Santa wish lists into Ol’ Sparky, our Eisenhower-era mainframe stored in the tool shed.



For our liberal-progressive-socialist acquaintances at Edgewood College, a Precious Snowflake ornament. $5.99 each. (“Is it a swastika? No, it’s a sticky note!“)

For the campus-area liberals who booed my good words for Betsy DeVos at their town hall last February, a Trump rubber ducky (pictured) to make bath time loads of fun as his administration defunds Sesame Street.

Even the Gaylors may get religion gazing upon the Hipster Nativity Scene (pictured). Hey, if the Pope can update the Lord’s Prayer, we can update the first Christmas. “Each set is hand-crafted and hand-painted by a real life hipster” for $129.

For the Roy Moore supporters, these stockings (pictured) pair well with wine. These should be on every Emily’s List!

For the bathroom hermit who has everything, an appliance called Tushy, if only because the shopper can on-line “chat with a real pooping human.” (Charlie Esser, this is for you!)

For the social justice warriors, disposable coffee cups that say It’s O.K. to say Merry Christmas. (Smuggle some into the nearest Starbucks.)

The book on the history of my alma mater, The Capital Times, to forward to my libel attorney.

To facilitate the learning process, an Albert Einstein doll (pictured) to AnonyBob and Old Baldy.

The pint-sized 14½”-tall professor pairs with a WiFi-enabled app that empowers him to do everything from calculate an equation to clearly explain why E=mc2. While he pontificates in his slight German accent, his moving eyelids, wrinkled brow, and bushy eyebrows facilitate the learning process.

A membership in the Dane County Republican Party. C’mon, you conservatives. Quit cheating them out of their dues.

A four- week free subscription to Stately Blaska Manor to my friend State Rep. Terese Berceau, D-Madison. (“But it’s already free.”)

Are you sure it is better to give than receive? Doesn’t feel like it. As for me, can someone tell me how to turn on the parental control device on Spectrum? The Missus is binge-watching the Hallmark channel. If I hear one more cute kid’s piping voice exclaiming “the spirit of Christmas” I’ll go postal. I feel like Hannibal Lecter tortured by the TV running that fundamentalist preacher 24/7.

Beginning to think maybe I am a curmudgeon, after all. How about a gift certificate for a refresher hug from a professional, board-certified therapeutic hugger. (Hint! Hint!)

In the meantime, pocket-sized copies of the U.S. Constitution to the Derail the Jailers who busted up the budget meeting of the Dane County Board. (Bonus chapter: “What to do if you are stopped by the police.”)

We join wise old Mr. Potter in wishing our adversaries “Merry Christmas — In JAIL!”

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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13 Responses to Have a very Stately Christmas — In JAIL!

  1. pwsbubba says:

    My Dear Mr. Blaska;

    Far be it from me to suggest that your impressive list of gifts to bequeath to the Lefty in yer life is a tad incomplete.

    For those who juuuuuuust can’t get enough of “The Resistance,” howse about a nod toward “The ResistMAS? And what could possibly say that better than a depiction of the lyin’ theivin’ deceivin’ Harpy who, need I remind you, won the popular vote?


    And if a WHITE Christmas triggers your inner Melanin-Challenged Lefty Guilt, why not a confusing message from someone that’s monumentally confused?


    Hope you find this helpful!

    The Gotch


  2. AnonyBob says:

    Thanks for thinking of me!


  3. Gary L. Kriewald says:

    Here’s a headline from today’s paper that should put everyone in the holiday spirit: “Celebrities in CA flee estates as fires advance.” Who’s at fault? Trump and climate change, according to Gov. Moonbeam. Not a word about the fact that the estates in question (let alone thousands of acres of suburban sprawl) have encroached on land naturally prone to wildfires. How sad it would be if Gwyneth, Oprah, et al. have to spend Christmas in a homeless shelter.


    • Cornelius Gotchberg says:

      ”Who’s at fault? Trump and climate change”?

      Not exactly.

      “Fire at a homeless encampment sparked Bel-Air blaze that destroyed homes, officials say”


      Can you even imagine the epic blistering this’ll create in Lefty’s pucker??

      The Gotch


      • Gary L. Kriewald says:

        Thanks for the link. Reading it totally enlightened me as to who was at fault. Certainly not the homeless. How could they be? Being homeless is like being a Syrian refugee–in either case, your status guarantees you instant sainthood. No, the real blame lies with city “outreach” officials who didn’t do a good enough job of educating the homeless about the dangers of cooking over an open flame surrounded by tinder-dry brush. More evidence, if any were needed, that trying to parody the loony left is pointless–they’re already a parody of themselves.


        • Cornelius Gotchberg says:

          Not to pile on, but…

          Macron’s little Climate Summit is scratching its collective @$$ for $hakedown Ca$h, I mean Climate Reparations, to fund their happy crap BS, AKA taking money from poor people in rich countries and giving it to rich people in poor countries.

          Why? The good Ol’ U. S. of A. will no longer be getting bent over.

          Anyone that thinks funding goes toward saving Mother Gaia will be shocked to find out there’s gambling going on at Rick’s Cafe.

          To wit:

          Ottmar Edenhofer; UNIPCC, UNIPCC working Group III, Lead Author AR4 (2007). Herr Edenhofer’s credentials are on a par with a Cabinet Secretary.

          (bolds mine throughout)
          “First of all, developed countries have basically expropriated the atmosphere of the world community.


          “Obviously, the owners of coal and oil will not be enthusiastic about this.”


          “THIS HAS ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH ENVIRONMENTAL POLICY ANYMORE, with problems such as deforestation or the ozone hole.”

          Doesn’t leave too much to the imagination, does it? Course, he may have been taken out of context?


  4. madisonexpat says:

    Thanks again President Trump. I’ll celebrate by burning a lot of leaves. My trees need the CO2.


  5. old baldy says:

    I see the gotch didn’t get any smoother nor more informed during exile. No surprise.
    For you CC/GW deniers here is a little nugget to chew on; even TGT sees $$ in renewable energy.



    • Cornelius Gotchberg says:

      @old baldy;

      No exile here, mon frere. Though it’s abundantly clear, and comforting to boot, to see you’ve stayed true to yer Moronistan roots.

      Still keep that dog-eared copy of “An Inconvenient Truth” next to yer futon? Isn’t it time to pass it along to another child so they can get scared too?

      Perhaps you’d like to address the points I made with the links to bedrock Conservative sources like the LAT & NYT?.

      Or dispute the direct quote from the talented Herr Edenhofer who, in an unguarded moment of candor all too rare amongst the CLIMATE CRIMINALS, lays bare the true colors of Global Warming INC.?

      You appear to suggest that I’m not in favor of renewables; cite or STFU!!!


      The Gotch


  6. richard lesiak says:

    The states plan to charge people with hybrids and electric cars more for their plates has hit a snag. Trucking companies. Electric semi rigs. Big business-big donations. Now it’s back to the secret budget bunker to find a way to carve out an exemption for them. What’s the AG spending our tax money on this year for his staff and friends? I hear it’s “Trumpy Bears”. And for congress Santa is giving them a big increase in the slush fund to pay for all their sexual antics. And for the rest of us Trump says he is giving America “a great big, fat ( fill in the blank) for Xmas.” And for the WEDC board; they get a new shredder for all those business loans they need to get rid of. Have a merry what ever trips your tip up.


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