Who knew it was something America needed?
The Flat Earth Society, we have learned, has members around the globe. Thanks to Donald Trump, members of the Society here at The Werkes are spinning our Replogle© 12-inch diameter globe like a Hanukkah dreidel. We wish it were floor-mounted so that we could extract the globe and balance it on finger tip like Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator.
First thing we learn is that Greenland is big — about the size of Mexico, but not as huge as shown on Flat Earth Society maps. And no refugees. Mercator Projection maps are deceiving because they must flatten out the earth as it narrows the farther north one goes. If maps used the North Pole as their reference point instead of the Equator, Mexico would look bigger than it is and maybe Americans would give it more respect. Or try to buy it.
Greenland is weird
As far north as one can go and still stand on land — or ice, in this case. (There may be an island in Canada called Kaffeklubben that’s a little bit more north. It’s disputed.) Greenland’s northernmost point skirts the 83rd parallel. If you’re at 90°, you’re at the North Pole itself. By comparison, Point Barrow on the north coast of Alaska sits at 71°. Good place for a gulag.
Three-quarters of the place is covered by the only permanent ice sheet on the planet outside Antarctica. Now that is weird. Up to 1.9 miles thick. Yeah, it’s melting but it would take at least one thousand years for it all to disappear, scientists say. By that time, Greta Thunberg will be out of therapy. Even the ice at the North Pole — maybe 9 feet thick at most — melts in the summer.
Erik the Red discovered Greenland in 986. Europeans actually ran sheep on the island until the 1400s, at the onset of the Little Ice Age — 600 years before Gavin Newsom discovered global climate change. Donald the Junior was the most recent to explore. When he said, “I’m buying!” he may have meant a round of akvavit in a gesture of good will. The 56,583 humans who live there today are mostly Inuit, and they only arrived in the 1200s. Its capital is called Nuuk, which sounds like Curly of the Three Stooges, chortling.
A bidding war?
The U.S. has operated Pituffik Space Base since the 1950s. Was renamed from “Thule,” which must have been the name of a Confederate general. Probably from whence Major T.J. “King” Kong flew on Dr. Strangelove’s bombing mission over Siberia. So it’s strategic. Under Greenland’s ice sheet is buried every precious mineral known to mankind.
Taking Greenland would be America’s biggest land grab since Seward’s folly. If it votes Republican, it will become the 51st state. We’d rather The Donald offer a fair price and not invade with snowmobile drones. Might engender a bidding war if Canada grabs an auction paddle. Perhaps Denmark would take something in trade we no longer need, like Puerto Rico or the U.S. Department of Education.
Blaska’s Bottom Line: Even this RINO must admit that Donald Trump is jump-starting the study of geography, in addition to freeing the Proud Boys and 95 Palestinian terrorists. Being Blaska, we do have a beef. The high temperature here in Madison WI this coming Monday 01-20-25 — Inauguration Day and M.L. King Jr.’s observance — is forecast to be a big fat 0℉ with an overnight low of minus-12℉. The temperature in Nuuk, Greenland that same day? A comparatively toasty 35℉. Only a matter of time before the NFL schedules a football game there.
While Trump is taking Greenland
can Wisconsin retake Michigan’s U.P.?
14 responses to “Greenland is way up there!”
Why, oh why, does global warming keep sidestepping Wisconsin?
Just say you know nothing about climate change and move on. That way you won’t make a fool of yourself….
Tell us when the climate did NOT change, Steve.
When its change didn’t support despicable Lefty’s contention that we’re all going to get WARMED_TO_DEATH.
One more thing.
Time Magazine, 16 Jul 2001-Bonn 2001: A Global Warming Treaty’s Last Chance.
The Independent, 28 Nov 2005-Montreal 2005: Montreal represents a Last Chance for action.”
The New Zealand Herald, 3 Dec 2007-Bali 2007: Bali could be the Last Chance to avoid the worst effect of global warming.
The Age, 9 Dec 2008-Poznan Poland, 2008: WWF, “Poznan provides Last Chance to curb climate change
Reuters, Feb 27 2009-Copenhagen 2009: The world faces a Final Opportunity to agree an adequate global response to climate change
The Telegraph (UK), 29 Nov 2010-Cancun 2010: the Last Chance for climate change talks to succeed;
Spero News, 27 Nov 2011-Durban 2011: mankind’s ‘Last Opportunity’ to address climate change.
The Examiner, 25 Nov 2012-Doha 2012: Tomorrow: the earth’s Last Chance with climate change?
Sustainable Mobility, 14 Nov 2013-Warsaw 2013: Is the Warsaw Climate Change Conference a Last Chance summit?
WWF Global, 23 Nov 2013-Lima 2014: Last Chance: Change needed for climate negotiations in Lima 2014.
BBC News 22 Apr 2015-Paris 2015: The UN meeting in December is THE Last Chance to avert dangerous climate change, according to the Earth League.
Brrr!!!
The Gotch
“Just say you know nothing about climate change and move on.”
Steve…buddy…think the talented Herr Ottmar Edenhofer knows something about Global Warming/Global Weirding/Climate Change/Climate Crisis, etc. etc., etc.?
Ottmar Edenhofer; UNIPCC, UNIPCC working Group III, Lead Author AR4 (2007), similar to a Cabinet position in our country:
(bolds/caps/italics mine throughout)
“First of all, developed countries have basically expropriated the atmosphere of the world community.
“But one must say clearly that WE REDISTRIBUTE DE FACTO THE WORLD’S WEALTH BY CLIMATE POLICY.
“Obviously, the owners of coal and oil will not be enthusiastic about this.
“ONE HAS TO FREE ONESELF FROM THE ILLUSION THAT INTERNATIONAL CLIMATE POLICY IS ENVIRONMENTAL POLICY.
“THIS HAS ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH ENVIRONMENTAL POLICY ANYMORE, with problems such as deforestation or the ozone hole.”
Oh my! Refreshing candor…or taken out of context…?
Brrr!!!
The Gotch
Climate change “experts” remind me of the deranged preachers who confidently predict the end of the world (down to the day and hour) based on “evidence” from Biblical texts. When the world keeps going past the due date, they claim they just need to do a little fine tuning of their “research” and then come up with another date for the Apocalypse, and another, and another. And we laugh at the gullible souls who keep believing their predictions. By now, climate change “experts” have been wrong so often that the deranged preachers seem like the real scientists.
If we can’t take hold of the UP by force, maybe diplomacy will work. How about swapping for Milwaukee, Racine and Kenosha? If our pals across the lake are dumb enough to elect Gretchen Whitmer as Governor, they might go for it.
“How about swapping for Milwaukee, Racine and Kenosha?”
Gotta keep Cream City, brynstane, where Golda Meir, Spencer Tracy, Gene Wilder, The Ueck, Mega-Babe Heather Graham, The Gotch’s Dear late Mother, et al, were all born. Not to mention Fiserv Forum, the Brewers, the Bucks…and all that BEER!
WhitLESSmer is d!$#!tted enough to take Rat Town and its butt-ugly cousin, Kenosha. She’ll cave; heck, she’s already SUCKING UP to (say it with me) President-Elect Donald J. Trump.
One condition: Only the armpit east of I-94 is on the table; no way we surrender the Über Fertile central/western Racine -n- Kenosha County Cabbage Fields!
The Gotch
“can Wisconsin retake Michigan’s U.P.?”
Hale Yeah! The Gotch selflessly offered up his unrivaled knowledge of the area to bring that about ding nigh 65 months ago; to wit:
Blaska: “Clearly our task force needs better intelligence.”
With this, The Gotch may be of some help. We’ll be in Iron County on the 31st (2019) to observe the reopening of Saxon Harbor, a strategic asset of infinite importance in the laying siege to Little Girl’s Point (a former rum-runner’s safe haven) & securing the coastal Porkies in order to establish a western beachhead.
When Falls the Coastal Porkies, the U.P Falls…and when the U.P. Falls–The World!
Anywho, there’s also “ins” at the Iron County Miner (Published Weekly, Read Daily), which holds promise as the rural print reincarnation of Tokyo Rose, County Forestry -n- Register of Deeds departments, and Pence’s Reinerio’s Sausage Company (Tomato customers, all!), with whom you may contract for provisions.
Package Goods (40’s, Korbel©™®, & the like)? It starts-n-ends at The Brite Spot II, located (and this where it gets good!) on that first block of Silver Street.
The Gotch
I think you are being unrealistic about Greta getting out of therapy. She still has to conquer high school…..
Interesting place. The SPACE FORCE (TA DA) has the base there. PITUFIK SPACE BASE. PITUFIK is Greenlanderian for “guy who pissed off commanding officer and got sent to PITUFIK. American translation is PITY-U-FIKER. Bonus fact; home to the only tugboat operated by the US AIR FORCE. It costs Denmark 4.3 billion/yr. to keep that place going, but we have plenty of money here and I’m sure the government can cut that to at least 27 billion/yr. Bonus fact 2; the national dish is seal meat soup. There are plans to produce seal meat hotdogs. Perfect for your holiday BBQ. Rumor has it that Eric will be the ambassador and loyalist MTG will be put on the map. MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENLAND. Greenland; what a great PITUFIKing idea.
My brother served in the AF up in thule. He said there was a woman behind every tree but the officers got first dibs
Guessing not too many trees … or women!
I remember a middle school teacher telling us Greenland and Iceland should switch names because Greenland is ice and Iceland is green.
I know some bitcoin miners have set up shop on frozen tundra to save cooling costs. Maybe this is the future for all the big computing infrastructure.