Blaska rewrites the President’s address.
Hey Mr. Know-It-All (that beloved Rocky & Bullwinkle savant), why did the President’s address to the nation last night leave us colder than yesterday’s oatmeal?
Maybe because we remember Ronald Reagan and how he could salve the nation’s soul in times of trouble. We heard FDR’s recorded fireside chats and Churchill’s promise of blood, sweat, and tears. We were inspired by JFK vowing to “bear any burden … to assure the survival and success of liberty.”
We were hoping to hear that kind of music when this President, at long last, spoke to the American people about what we are doing in Iran. Blaska is no Peggy Noonan but he did once write speeches for a Wisconsin governor. (He used some of them.)
First of all, sit the President down at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. Don’t stand at a podium as if he were addressing the Republican national convention. (Half expected Lee Greenwood to start bellowing his one song.) No need for Jimmy Carter’s sweater or a roaring fire. But how ’bout some relatability?
The President was right to start out with the Artemis 2 moon launch. That was the topic of conversation this morning at the Troupis Groupis breakfast at the Copper Top here in Madison WI. We all felt so proud — and amazed. Most of us were old enough to remember Neil Armstrong in 1969 — just seven years after JFK issued his challenge at Rice University to put a man on the moon and bring him back safely to earth …
“because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win.”
With Artemis, America has its mojo back. Build on that!
Good evening, my fellow Americans
This is your President, speaking to you from the Oval Office in our nation’s capital. [Sense of majesty.]
Did you watch that lift-off this afternoon at Cape Canaveral? Wasn’t that the darndest thing! [A little Truman, the human.] Could you believe it! The most powerful rocket ever shot into space — farther than ever before attempted! Think of all the things that had to work more perfectly than a Swiss watch to make that happen! Just amazing, the things America can do when we put our minds to it. JFK linked his goal to land a man on the moon “to secure America’s leadership in science and in industry” as well as to affirm “our hopes for peace and security, our obligations to ourselves as well as others.”
That’s why we are taking action against Iran. We are reckoning with Iran because it is ruled by a messianic clique of maniacs busy these last five decades spreading death and destruction far and wide. The medieval mullahs who run the place have been at war with the United States for 47 years. They killed 241 of our Marines and sailors — and many more with their roadside bombs. They took our embassy hostage — violating international norms that go back to ancient Greece. The Middle East sits at the juncture of Europe, Africa, and Asia. If there is no peace in the Middle East, there is no peace in the world.
You would have thought they would get the message when our B-1 bombers hit their nuclear installations last year, but NO! That’s how crazy they are!
Theirs is a theology of hate
Iran exports death through its surrogates, like the Houthis, Hezbollah, and Hamas. One of Iran’s clients tried to massacre innocents at the synagogue outside Detroit. Hellz bellz, Iran kills its own people — at least 30,000 of them — if they dare speak out of turn! There is your No Kings Rally!
Maybe some of you put on costumes and wrote signs calling this elected President a “King” this past weekend. After your exercise of Free Speech, you went back to work, to church, and to school. You witnessed the rocket lift off this afternoon. You are listening to me now in the comfort of your home, with your family at your side. That’s because this is America and not Iran. We live in peace and freedom — commodities Reagan warned could be lost in a generation. [Historic imperative.]
This is no “forever war“ of past administrations. We are in this to win, no holds barred. We are winning, by any measure. The people of Iran will pick up the pieces and forge a new direction. Iran will rejoin the world as neighbors, not enemies. We did it in Germany and Japan, we will do it now. This is, after all, a country that explores the heavens, cures the sick, and feeds the hungry.
The usual naysayers quibble; they say there was no imminent threat. How imminent must the threat be? Must the nuclear missiles be halfway across the Atlantic? For 47 years, the mullahs and their followers have been chanting “Death to America.” Shouldn’t we start believing them?
We are taking action in Iran because we choose not to wait for another Pearl Harbor! This President will not suffer another 9/11! NOT ON MY WATCH! Because the next attack won’t be imminent; it will be too late and much worse.
Justly proud of our successful mission launch to the moon today, I ask all of us to renew our faith in a nation founded 250 years ago dedicated to the worth of the individual and to our inalienable rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. As Kennedy and the NASA astronauts encouraged, let us do so by aiming even higher, by pursuing greatness.
God bless you all: our brave astronauts in their pursuit knowledge, our military personnel in securing our freedoms, and each and every one of you who make their missions possible.
Now I’m going to fire Pam Bondi.
Blaska’s Bottom Line: Whaddaya want?! It’s a first draft!
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