We were told there would be an air attack

Or was it a hot air attack?

Let’s leave aside all the violence in the world and talk some football. O.K., so football is almost as violent as a Gaza prison break. Every game — pro and collegiate — seems to include a visit to the medical tent, which is helpfully erected on the sidelines these days as part of an overall M.A.S.H. unit. No game is complete without the prone victim being carted off the field on a meat wagon, thumbs up, limbs akimbo.

Today we learn that starting Badger quarterback Tanner Mordecai is out for the season with a broken hand. That’s a damn shame and we feel for the young man. There, we just exhausted our vestigial sac of empathy.

Is the arrival of coach Luke Fickell and his vaunted Air Raid offense more oversold than a Michael Lindell pillow?

We are finding, like George W. Bush, that the new coach has no weapons of mass destruction. Even with Braelon Allen running the football, the Badgers squeaked out two lonely field goals losing to Iowa 15-6 Saturday 10-14-23 on our home field (where my wife sleeps, where my children play with their toys)!

After the Badger snooze fest, the indentured servants swiveled the rabbit ears of our b&w Philco to the Washington/Oregon game. Ay carrumba! Both teams lit up the scoreboard as if it were the centerpiece of the Burning Man Festival.

To think that the Wisconsin Badgers men’s (felt I had to add that these days) football team will be competing against Washington, Oregon, Southern Cal, and UCLA in addition to Penn State, Michigan, and THE Ohio State University! (!!!) Hellz bellz, we can’t even beat Washington State — a team that no conference wants!

We get that defense is as important as offense. But the Badgers defense Saturday could not stop Iowa’s non-existent offense. 

Mordecai’s backup may yet prove to be a breakout star. The Badgers’ previous great white hope at QB was Graham Mertz. Our theory that former Badger coach Paul Chryst ruined a good quarterback is confirmed (upon further review) by Saturday’s results. For his new team, the Florida Gators, Mertz completed 30 of 48 attempts for 423 yards through the air against the South Carolina Gamecocks, no slouch of a team. Mertz was good for three touchdowns with nary an interception. That’s almost 200 more passing yards than the Badgers 228, no TDs and one pick.

At that, his season-to-date quarterback rating of 70.8 ranks Mertz as only the 38th best college quarterback this season. Still twice as good as our Tanner Mordecai, who ranked 82nd with a 54.4 QBR.

Blaska’s Bottom Line: This is what scares the fickle fans of Fickell football here at Stately Blaska Manor. Michigan’s J.J. McCarthy leads all college QBs with a 92.6 passer rating; Michael Penix Jr. of Washington is second at 91.7. Ohio States’s QB ranks 6th, Oregon’s QB ranks 11th, the Southern Cal QB 12th. Our starting QB — highly touted, again — 82nd in the nation.

Will the soon-to-be PAC-2 take us in?
(We could constitute the entire eastern division)