Amazing predictions for the New Year! Part #2

The Werkes sees the future like it’s never been seen before!

The Webb telescope only looks into the past. Ol’ Sparky, our Eisenhower-era mainframe computer, looks to the days of future passed, the first Moody Blues concept album. While Republicans consider asking celebrities to call the roll for House Speaker (Aaron Rodgers being one), here’s our predix:


•  UW yields to PETA, renames football team “The Marchers” in honor of Fredric March, who is also their new mascot as Dr. Jekyll’s hideous Mr. Hyde (the great actor’s first Academy Award-winning role).

• Will Smith hosts Oscars, but via Zoom. Harry and Meghan are presenters. They do scripted, forced comedy patter. Gig leads to contract to do Flex-Seal commercials.

• Madison school superintendent Carleton Jenkins is revealed to be a hologram animated by Jennifer Cheatham. Is given a contract extension nonetheless.

•  In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer trades Joe Manchin for Lisa Murkowski and a senator to be named later.

•  New Madison Common Council President Paul Skidmore swears on souls of his grandchildren that he will not be the one to break the peace we have made here.


•  Governor Tony Evers, in a ranting, spittle-flecked state of the state address, demands return of the Upper Peninsula from Michigan for lebensraum. Asks legislature for more snowmobiles equipped with Stinger missiles.

• In latest Woke school renaming, Madison renames West high school for Ivy League black socialist Cornell West.

• Keisean Nixon takes opening kickoff of Super Bowl XVII from Packers’ own end zone, runs 220 yards into the terrace-level concession stand at State Farm Stadium in suburban Phoenix, where he consumes a box of chocolates.

• New coach Luke Fickell recruits twelfth quarterback, two women’s hockey goaltenders, an assistant basketball coach, and a French medieval literature professor.

•  Police Civilian Oversight Board submits bill for its services. “After all, we are not communists!” chairman Shadayra Kilfoy-Flores jibes. “Actually, we are,” she whispers.


University of Wisconsin-Madison replaces Women’s and Black Studies with welding.

• After he confiscates student’s stolen smart phone, Sennett middle school principal Jeffrey Copeland is placed on administrative leave.

• In a lightning strike, Proud Boys and Oath Keepers retake nation’s Capitol, install Alex Jones as House Speaker.

• Tim Michels meets with Rebecca Kleefisch at Louie’s restaurant in the Bronx. (Try the veal. It’s the best in town!) Michels tries to placate Kleefisch for blowing the election. “What guarantees could I give you, Rebecca? I am the hunted one! I missed my chance! You think too much of me, kid — I’m not that clever. All I want is a truce.”

Blaska’s Bottom Line: How does Blaska do it? He buys right!

What do YOU predict?

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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13 Responses to Amazing predictions for the New Year! Part #2

  1. One Eye says:

    PHMDC hires Jordan Belfort, “The Wolf of Wall Street”, to reinvigorate its lagging contact tracing program. Belfort states “We’re done asking people if they have Covid symptoms. Our job is to convince people they are infected and get them to rat out as many friends as possible. Then it’s an easy leap to new shutdowns and mask mandates. It’s going to be glorious.”

    Belfort is reportedly very proud of his new nickname, “The Dimwit of Downtown Madison”.

    Like

  2. richard lesiak says:

    George Santos elected Speaker of the House.

    Like

    • One Eye says:

      Only according to Santos and the White House press secretary.

      Both change the subject after Doocy calls them on it.

      Like

  3. One Eye says:

    Congress announces the 2024 Presidential ballots will be printed with generic names:

    Hitler(R)
    Stalin(D)
    Ralph Nader(all other parties)

    Pelosi explains “We want to make it easy for citizens to choose between pure evil, the horseman of death and Quixotic”.

    Like

  4. Cornelius_Gotchberg says:

    Bronko Nagurski, the Kansas Comet and Sweetness are resurrected, and Butkus, Singletary, & Ditka are restored to their prime in order to resuscitate the Bi-Polar bares, a moribund franchise on life support.

    When they see the pitiably pathetic state of the incompetently inept maggots of the midway, they’re overcome with cascading shame and do the only honorable thing: Commit Seppuku!

    The Gotch

    Like

  5. Cornelius_Gotchberg says:

    Self-respecting local Blacks establish Brandi Grayson gofundme page…to pay for surgery to sew her embarrassingly RAYcist, grifting pie-hole shut permanently.

    The Gotch

    Like

  6. Bob says:

    After listening to The Dan O’Donnell Show this morning and listening to Madison365.com from 1-3-23 about Madison’s own Elizabeth Warren. A women (name withheld) that has said for a few years of being American Indian is just a white women. Add Madison to the list of places where white people have to identify as minorities. I don’t get it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cornelius_Gotchberg says:

      “A women (name withheld) that has said for a few years of being American Indian is just a white women.” (bolds added)

      Nice catch Bob! For Inquiring Minds who want to know our very own Fauxchahontas-Lieawatha, it’s Katie Le Claire/Kay LeClaire or her STOLEN ETHNICITY name nibiiwakamigkwe

      “Add Madison to the list of places where white people have to identify as minorities.” (bolds mine)

      They don’t HAVE TO, they CHOOSE TO, and when they get caught, it’s an everLUVin’ Laugh Riot….SEE: Baldwin, Hilaria

      Anywho, why? Monumentally overpowering sense of self-loathing which, when you consider the laughably unfulfilling existence of your garden variety despicable Lefty, is easily understood.

      Ever notice that ETHNICITY THIEVES are, TO_A_ONE, despicable Lefties?

      The Gotch sure has!

      Gal’s some twisted sister, am I right?

      The Gotch

      Liked by 1 person

    • Cornelius_Gotchberg says:

      TOO FUNNY; a career Lefty gets…um…its Dream Catcher hung up in the POW WOW CHOW.

      Madison.com: Allegations That Prominent Madison Artist MASQUERADED_AS_NATIVE_AMERICAN Sparks Outrage

      MONEY QUOTES: “One of the first red flags, (Nipinet) Landsem said, was that LeClaire liked to tan — a lot. Landsem had even given LeClaire rides to tanning salons because LeClaire said they had a vitamin D deficiency. But then Landsem and others started noticing that LeClaire would also carry around a bottle of spray tan. (bolds/italics mine)

      Ah Lefty; so MUCH damning hypocrisy, so little time!

      The Gotch

      Like

  7. richard lesiak says:

    After losing the 4th round of voting for Speaker, Kevin Mccarthy held a news conference claiming voter fraud. “The clerk’s pencil was made in China” he screamed. “I also resent the fact that Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert are in a conference room watching past episodes of the sit-com “Kevin Can F**k Himself.” This is an outrage. They need to be on the floor showing America that we are unfit to run the country.”

    Like

  8. One Eye says:

    Dr. Fauci has his come to Jesus moment and admits he directed the gain of function research that created covid-19. He then vehemently denies releasing it from the lab: “The drug companies did that without my knowledge”. Found swinging in his cell a day later. Representatives from Pfizer attest that Fauci often felt blue.

    Liked by 1 person

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