Canned Heat for breakfast:
‘I’m gonna leave this city, got to get away
All this fussin’ and fightin’ man, you know I sure can’t stay’
Blaska Policy Werkes has relocated its world headquarters from Stately Blaska Manor in stolen-car, woke-out-of-its-mind Madison WI to new digs, far outside the corrupting influence of the progressive Gomorrah. Besides, we’re fresh out of plywood.
Figured we’d ride out Election 2020 in the safety of the verdant Wisconsin countryside where our Second Amendment freedom is embossed on every stop sign. Also until our dispute with City of Madison zoning plays out. (Why would a deer tree stand be illegal in town?)
O.K., no pizza delivery but meat raffles every Saturday at the saloon down the road. Instead of 5G connectivity we settled for 1½ G (love the discount!) and a weekly column in the local Shopper Stopper (“Blaska Vents.”) No cable, but we can still get Miz Vicki on the wireless, so we got that going for us.
Our new site, at least, was not stolen from the Ho-Chunk people, unlike greater Madison. Although, as it turns out, it was stolen from some Norwegian (or so he claims in his property title dispute).
We want to thank Chip and Joanna Gaines for the amazing make-over. We spit beer out through our nose when the Fixer-Uppers pulled aside those panels for the big reveal. Shiplap made out of particle board! Who knew? Had been a Kodak photo kiosk at East Towne Mall.
Ol’ Sparky (our Eisenhower-era mainframe computer) is finally out of the garden shed and in the main building for easier access! It sits on wood pallets scrounged from Menards to protect it from the periodic flooding in the basement. (The mice out here in corn and soybean country must eat well. Gosh, they’re big!)
We’re renting to own from a guy in blue overalls and a white T-shirt — damned if he doesn’t look like Dick Cheney! The gray lab coats live upstairs when they’re on duty and, like the Ghostbusters, slide down the pole when a policy needs writing or a wrong needs righting. (Tanning booths while you wait.)
The indentured servants are roasting a pig with its head still on. (Shaddap, PETA, the damn thing is dead.) The unlettered field hands are fertilizing the creeping charlie for next Spring as they sing their simple folk songs from the Dead Kennedys song book.
For the head groundskeeper, the board of directors set up a cozy trailer out back, next to the stand-alone lavatory. At least until he recovers from the fevers, body aches, and general fatigue. (“I can’t taste my beer!”)
Let us know when it’s safe to return to the Peoples’ Republic. Until then, stop on out. We’re off the main highway, back of the gun range, downwind from the confined animal feeding operation. Drop off a used tire to show your support.
Blaska’s Bottom Line: ‘I’m goin’ to some place, I’ve never been before.’
35 responses to “The Werkes is ‘goin’ up the country’”
🙂 Love it.
The Gotch’ll be holing up in whichever End Zone the WESconsin Badgers are defending…
ON WISCONSIN!!
The Gotch
Looks like it comes complete with a lack of running water, well except for the stream in the backyard that’s just down the small hill from the outhouse.
Good choice, a true destination day ride location.
Song reminds me of the less-than-well-known record of the same era: WAR, WAR, WAR by Country Joe & Fish.
Fer yer geta-away tune -best ever…. https://youtu.be/sa7EkXpy8jE “Adios to all this concrete. I’ll be down the road inna cloud o’ smoke… ” 8 yr. old comment: “Lost another legend but at least Townes will have been waiting with a drink.”
“(A)t least Townes will have been waiting with a drink.”
John Townes Van Zandt (whose fans include, but are not limited to, Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, Lyle Lovett, Merle Haggard, Norah Jones, Emmylou Harris, Counting Crows, Steve Earle, et al) was an absolutely brilliant songwriter/lyricist who, regrettably, drank himself to death.
A HS friend of The Gotch knew him back in late 70’s Austin when his…um…antics were the stuff of legend, and still are.
The Gotch
Steve Earl once declared that “Townes Van Zandt is the best song writer in America, and I will stand on Bob Dylan’s coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that out loud.”
When somebody told that to Van Zandt, he said “I’ve met Bob Dylan and I’ve seen his body guards. I don’t think Steve’s getting anywhere near his coffee table.”
Got a spare room in the basement for rent?
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets, I ain’t got no cigarettes
I can pay you with last year’s lefse. I prefer a “smoking” room; love them Cubans. Got no pets, just Stella, my guide dog.
The board of directors of the Werkes hereby appoints Norm the Normwegian as Privy Counsellor. The privy is out back.
You shouldn’t have to pay rent; think reparations for what was “stole” from your ancestors.
Damn, we do have something in common, Canned Heat. Old Town of Emmett town hall?
Alfred E. Newman wrote, “Damn, we do have something in common, Canned Heat.”
Music soothes the savage beast and it can be one of the solid foundations of human commonality. 😉
https://stevewitherspoonhome.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/chasmwallscanbe-bridged.jpg
Alfred E. Newman wrote, “Old Town of Emmett town hall?”
Nope; wrong side of the southern Wisconsin state.
There was once a time when we all could get together and love a thing in common. And that thing was music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEmvBdRLg4k. My wife and I attended the Chicago Blues Festivals on a number of occasions. Each and every time we went, we saw and heard people playing music together, of all different colors and races and creeds. Despite their political ideology or differences they came together in the same place to play music to a crowd of people who like themselves were just in love with the music. And just to see Robert Cray play the guitar with the passion that he brings to playing music is beyond my ability to express my feelings.
This is what Madison used to be. I loved that about this town, I loved being here with all the different people of all different lifestyles. I knew that despite our differences we could all come together and appreciate the same things. See BB King with Eric Clapton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu4tjTyqbho
The thrill is gone.
In times like these, I miss those times.
Also sports.
No kidding. I wonder what Clyde Stubblefield would have to say about today’s Madison.
For more on Robert Cray listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv8tGo3XwxQ
Read this one three times and not sure what is fact and fiction. Help from the inside crew here? Inquiring and amused minds want to know. Only thing I can vouch for sure is that “our Second Amendment is embossed on every stop sign.”
Other thing I wonder about is “At least until he recovers from the fevers, body aches and general fatigue.” Could be Covid………..or could be Lymes. Have you made sure about the latter? Especially when you mention all the mice in the cornfield. First thing I’d check out David, if you haven’t yet. That is the one thing I sure don’t miss when moving out of the country into this Godforsaken (hopefully not forever) city.
And it’s “goin’ up the country” not “goin’ up in the country” damnit!
Amos, it is called “Juvenalian Satire”, and it tends to have a more or less “hard edge” to it,(depending on the author). For instance- the Second Amendment on Stop signs (favorite targets) is embossed (bullet holes). Or of all the co-vid “plague” symptoms, the interference with beer enjoyment is most “problematic”. You’ll come across satire a lot here, and almost NEVER with a warning, but you probably already knew that.
Come ON PF! Do I really sound that dense from my postings? Why do you think I enjoy David’s style of writing so much, which I’ve commented on a number of times?! Sheesh…..
Dammit, you’re correct! Give the man a free used tire!
Thanks, but I’ve already got eight. One set are winter tires that will fit an old Protege or Escort. You WILL need them out there, and they are cheap. Call me, and good luck with the plows. Although it took me 5 days once for my house to be opened up once, they are
generally way better than what we’ve got here in Madison!
As for fact from fiction, I’m not sure, either. I often ask, what Is Real? and am told it is the homeland of the Jewish people.
“As for fact from fiction, I’m not sure, either.”
Kind of like the rest of us, huh?
How many used tires you want? 😉
Enough for a bonfire that can be seen all the way to Madison.
Okey dokey, I’m all over it! 😊 😉
how about some used asphalt shingles?
PLENTY of those out there, just take a trip to the nearest factory farm…….probably one right down the road.
Allman Brothers “Statesboro Blues”
‘I’m going out to the country and if you don’t wanna go your sister Lucille says she wants to go…… and I sure will take her.’
Spent some quality time with Lucille and can bear witness to her being a good girl…
Canned Heat for breakfast, but leave some room for the Spencer Davis Group’s Dust My Blues at Cocktail Hour.
The Gotch
So where are you really going or is this a state of mind?
Heh, heh.