Ranking the Presidents correctly

Giving Nixon his due!

Upon the long-anticipated death of Jimmy Carter, a certain former Madison mayor reflected on the 13 Presidents who served during his lifetime, ranking each. 

Somehow, this former mayor ranked sleepy Joe Biden’s profligate and dishonest presidency above that of John F. Kennedy and both Bushes. With that sand in his oyster, the Head Groundskeeper at Blaska Policy Werkes fed Ol’ Sparky the Almanac of American Politics and a Ford-era WIN button to come up with the Werkes own true and reliable list — with a bonus 14th President because we were born sooner.

Rather than enumerate each one, Ol’ Sparky grouped the Presidents into one of four ranks from best to worst, chronologically within each rank. In this thrilling installment, we list the First and Second ranks, compared against the corresponding rankings from that certain former mayor, which are printed in Red. (Here is the only link he’ll get until he returns the favor some day:)

Ranking Presidents Since 1959

 Blaska’s first rank

Harry Truman — Desegregated the military. Marshall Plan reconstruction of Europe. Started NATO and United Nations. Berlin airlift made Stalin stand down. Stopped communism in Greece and S. Korea. Recognized Israel. Rebuilt the White House. Dropped the A-bomb on Hiroshima & Nagasaki, thereby ending the war sooner and saving American and Japanese lives. Last President not to graduate college. Plain spoken. Threatened to punch a newspaper music critic in the nose. No minuses.

Dwight Eisenhower — As the ranking general in the European theater of WW2, more gravitas than any President who followed. First use of federal power to enforce 1954 Brown school discrimination case; sent troops to Little Rock. Integrated D.C. schools. Ended the Korean War. Built the Interstate highway system, our greatest infrastructure project. Deported illegal immigrants. U.S. economy envy of world. Hawaii and Alaska statehood. Minuses: never defended George Marshall against Joe McCarthy. Earl Warren as Supreme Court chief justice.

Ronald Reagan — The most truly moral of Presidents. The courage to denounce the godless communist Soviet Union as an “evil empire.” Met with Russian dissidents — IN Moscow! Made the world safe for Freedom. “Tear Down This Wall.” Made the case against stifling statism. Restored America’s faith in itself. Unleashed the economy and made it roar. Guts to walk away from Gorbachev in Reykjavik until he got the nuclear disarmament treaty he wanted. A dash of Hollywood glamor, grace under fire (literally), and self-deprecating humor. Becky Thatcher, Pope John Paul 2, and Frank Sinatra. “Honey, I forgot to duck.” Owned up to Iran/Contra. No minuses.

The former mayor:

• Did not exist when Truman was President.

• Somewhat surprisingly, and most welcomely, listed Ronald Reagan at Number 2 — “The country needed a jolt of free market energy to pull us out of stagflation and malaise.”

• Listed Dwight Eisenhower fifth! Behind Barack Obama and Bill Clinton! Really?!

 Blaska’s second rank 

John F. Kennedy — Challenged Americans to be their best; no participation trophies; no Jimmy Carter malaise or government dependency. “Ask Not What America Can Do For You.” Put a man on the moon and returned him safely to earth. Peace Corps. Brought Pablo Casals and Jackie to the White House. Cool and calm, avoided nuclear war during the Cuban missile crisis. Reduced taxes. “Rising tide lifts all boats.” Camelot. Minus: Bay of Pigs.

Lyndon Johnson — Civil Rights Act of 1964. Voting Rights Act of 1965. Thurgood Marshall to the court. Guns & Butter. “You never had it so good.” Minuses: Lost two wars: Vietnam and the War on Poverty. (Poverty won.) The Great Society birthed welfare dependency, Detroit, race riots, burning cities, and assassinations. Jane Fonda and Abby Hoffman. After Camelot, LBJ was Snuffy Smith. Argue it either way: George Hamilton. Hubert Humphrey.

Richard Nixon — Nixon Goes to China still describes political shock and awe; helped bring down the Soviet Union. 18-year-old voting. Environmental Protection Agency. Law and order. Wingtips on the beach. Deputized Elvis as a drug agent. Minuses: Kissinger’s detente. Watergate! Always maudlin. Argue it either way: Off the gold standard. G. Gordon Liddy.

The former mayor:

Listed John F. Kennedy 11th — out of 13?!!! The former mayor bizarrely wonders why this WW2 wounded veteran is buried at Arlington! Focuses entirely on Judith Campbell and Mafia don Sam Giancana. That’s JFK’s presidency?

Thought Lyndon Johnson was the GOAT! “No President in my lifetime understood how to make things happen and was more genuinely passionate about improving the lot of poor Americans than Johnson.” And hooked millions on welfare dependency and single parenthood.

Put Richard Nixon 9th — “Paranoid, but with good reason.” Correct to say, “The old cold warrior reduced worldwide tensions and made the world a safer place.”

Blaska’s Bottom Line: Appreciate the former mayor’s ecumenism but how can anyone, even a former Madison mayor, rank Eisenhower fifth — below Barack Obama and Bill Clinton! — and JFK 11th? At least Kennedy boinked Marilyn Monroe and mafia molls, not impressionable interns and dragooned secretaries.

The lower-ranked Presidents tomorrow!