Punching low in the presidential ring 

‘Let the bloodbath begin’

Opening sentence in Blaska’s autographed copy of pundit Patrick Buchanan’s autobiography,
Right from the Beginning.

We like a little blood spatter at our on-stage political debates. Would that there were a cornerman in a white shirt and bow tie ready with epinephrine-soaked gauze and a spit bucket for each of the five contestants in Wednesday’s 11-08-23 Republican presidential debate. 

Or maybe a score card on the chyron at the bottom of the TV screen. Until then, platinum subscribers will have to settle for Ol’ Sparky’s tabulations at The Werkes.

Say this for Vivek Ramaswamy, he came out swinging — but more like the Bayonne Bleeder up against Nikki Haley, who floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. Ramma-swamma-ding-dong threw the first punch, calling our Nikki “Dick Cheney in 3-inch heels.” Nikki countered, “They’re 5-inch and they’re for ammunition.” (The irony: both are Indian-American.) (UPDATE: VR included DeSantis in the 3-inch heels, referencing rumors that he wears lifts.)

After Tuesday’s mid-term elections, Vivek said he was tired of losing. (The Werkes is tired of Vivek.) So who did he go after? Certainly not MAGA or election denialism. Instead, punched down at Ronna McDaniel. (WHO?) The lady is a Republican party functionary, albeit highly placed. And also Mitt Romney’s daughter, which is why Vivek made certain to utter her middle name.

Yeah, Ronna Romney McDaniel is the problem, America!

Reading out of the MAGA playbook

Vivek the Bleeder then attacked NBC, the mainstream news medium that hosted the debate. Demanded the debate be conducted by the likes of Tucker Carlson and Elon Musk instead of real journalists. That is SO-OOO Donald Trump! Only case VR makes for not voting for the real thing is that he is half Trump’s age (and likely, wealthier).

Not content with attacking Nikki Haley, who has risen to tie Ron DeSantis for runner-up to The Real Thing, VR went after her little dog Fala — I mean, Nikki’s daughter. The Republican audience groaned. (Never a good sign.)

Our Nikki teed off: “You’re scum. Get my daughter out of your voice!” to cheers from the audience. The ref almost called the fight right then and there.

No Republican debate this cycle would be complete without the Nikki put-down of Vivek du jour. For Debate #3 it was: “Putin and Xi are salivating that someone like that could be president.” She threw that punch after Vivek called the Jewish president of Ukraine a Nazi. Well played! Our guess is Nikki has another half-dozen or so putdowns in her debate prep book. We want to hear them all!

A field of 5 candidates was, like Goldilocks’ porridge, just right. 

Remember the Alamo!

Except for Rama-slamma, each of the candidates helped themselves at least a smidgeon — most especially Ron DeSantis. He jolted the applause meter to 11 with this: To stop opioids and terrorists at the Mexican border, he’ll send in the military. Proving that nuance is more overrated then Travis Kelce’s girlfriend, DeSantis fired this salvo:

“We’ll shoot them stone cold dead.”

We’ve said DeSantis could use a personality, prosthetic if need be. But we enjoyed his body language. When criticized, he forced a small smile and held his hands on his hips, as if to say, “I can take your best punch.” He had the laugh line of the night: “Being governor of Florida, I know some people on social security.” (Our Nikki also smiled through Vivek’s histrionics.) 

From Chris Christie we were hoping for more pugilism directed at The Man Who Wasn’t There. (How we wish he would go away!) Christie did get off: “Anybody who’s going to be spending the next year and a half of their life focusing on keeping themselves out of jail cannot lead this party or this country.” You would think! 

He never delivered the big haymaker, but expressed love — and offered hope — to substance abusers and needy mothers. Is America in the mood for love?

Did you notice? All the candidates went after TikTok as a Red Chinese trojan horse. So what social media company advertised during the commercial breaks? 

Is Tim Scott TOO nice?

Almost lost in the Nikki/Vivek scuffles, the U.S. Senator proposed bombing Iran instead of a few warehouses in Syria. (Think he said it with a smile!) Scott had the best closing. The only candidate who quoted Scripture, the sole black candidate talked about restoring faith, pride, and love of country. Yeah, we like our Presidents to do that. More important than the optimal number of nuclear submarines, Hugh Hewitt! You want a sense of the person. Can s/he take a punch? Can s/he fight back? Is there a human being in there somewhere?

Blaska’s Bottom Line: If the Werkes were doing the stagecraft, we’d project an image of a scowling Trump against the backdrop, in the manner of Big Brother in Orwell’s 1984.

Are YOU getting a little dumber after every debate?