We’ll get into the true Christmas spirit probably around 10 p.m. on December 24 — later, if they keep playing those sappy Hallmark movies. In the meantime, we’re playing Eartha Kitt’s Santa Baby on the jukebox. (“Another thing: a ring!”) Despite our express orders, the indentured servants have put up the Christmas tree — and we do mean “UP!” At least, Enzo the Magnifi-cat won’t get into it this year.
Here are 12 13 can’t miss Christmas gifts just waiting for you in a leaky container ship moored off Long Beach CA. (Prices subject to currency manipulators at the Federal Reserve.)
Void where prohibited by law. No warranties express or implied. See a doctor immediately for any unusual swelling, discharge, or fever. Batteries not included. Paid spokesman. Not authorized by any candidate or campaign committee. Do Not Remove This Label. Do not microwave. Epstein did not hang himself. Expert, texpert choking smokers, don’t you think the joker laughs at you (ho ho ho, hee hee hee, hah hah hah).
Your Christmas wish book!
Gifts for that special Scrooge in your life.
UPDATE: Who doesn’t want their family photos imprinted on a slice of Kraft processed American cheese? (Remove plastic sleeve first.)
Mesothelioma pamphlet included.
Grow a girlfriend kit requires white wine.
Start ’em young! Keep ’em happy!
Practice your voodoo needlework!
She’ll think of you every time!
Just add water!
Not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls from Nakatomi Tower!
‘Remember kids: Electricity will kill you!‘
Comfortably!
Strike! The game of worker rebellion
Your money back if you’re not a Communist after playing this game!
Education
Blaska Policy Werkes 
Jail time … we’ll see. After jail, I hope he gets the same punishment Pete Rose got – banishment.
“Mr. Rose’s public and private comments, including his initial admission in 2004, provide me with little confidence that he has a mature understanding of his wrongful conduct, that he has accepted full responsibility for it, or that he understands the damage he has caused,” Manfred wrote.
I predict he will serve a year then do a quickie online course to become a “Reverand” and then grift away.
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Sorry, was having problems getting some of my images to post, then forgot to change the bottom line question. Supply chain problems from my North Korean animators.
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Freeze Dried Water – The perfect survival item for these uncertain times. I’m not just a customer, I bought the company. Well, for $1,000 and the names of 25 other people, I’m now an “Associate Distributor”. So if any of you need Freeze Dried Water, I’m your guy.
—(will consider all offers)
——(will consider ANY offers)
The Goat Bag – Perfect gift for the “hard to buy for”. Goats don’t like it, so after a few miles in it, they are much better behaved when you let them back in the car. (works equally well for little boys who won’t stop hitting their sisters) PLUS !!! –Mr Blaska announced last year that it now comes in a KEVLAR model for the URBAN goat enthusiast!
“Die Hard” movie– I received my copy, but the cover is different. Instead of Bruce Willis and Bonnie Bedelia it stars a “Rod Driver” and an “Ophelia Dix”, it’s probably a knock-off. I’ll most likely re-gift it, (maybe the church’s “secret Santa” drive)
The Fauci Doll has ANOTHER face on the back of its head. Why would they make a doll with TWO FACES ?
The “Happy Hour Playset” has a non-hetero normative option, however it’s just a dance floor and a bathroom.
Asbestos Snow – I’m sure Tik-Tok has 101 uses for it, around the home and nursery.
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P-F, RE: Ophelia -A link please? Richard-May-I-Calls-ya-Dick likely needs sumthin’ spicy yet sentimental to get thru the Holidays. Gee, gotta wonder if he’ll post his usual FB post, a VID getting it on w/ an old doughnut…
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Are you drunk again?
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How odd to see a Planned Parenthood ad on your site.
I know you largely don’t have control over ads, but I THINK there are some settings in AdSense that allow you to prohibit certain sites.
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I will take their money.
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Best Christmas present ever! Read Liel Liebovits over at TABLET for the best take on liberals being punished by the Left. Brilliant insight.
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L’chaim, brudder Marko. Yeah, it’s a very good piece.
Only a few nits to pick, but figured,… meh, not today.
Full disclosure: like Lebovitz, I, too was once a big Lefty.
Here’s the nut: “If the Left is going to make it “right wing” to simply be decent,
… then it’s OK to be Right.”
This simple advice would help other Jewish lockstep Lefties
to evolve from the Demonrat dark side and… JEXIT.
It took me to Sunday schul.
It’s not in the Torah, though.
It’s in The Book. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8;
.
.
.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every [a]purpose under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”
Toda.
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