Packers beat Falcons, go to Super Bowl

alt-facts

Altered from Boing Boing

The indentured servants here at the Manor are in a funk today. Had to brew my own coffee. The unlettered field hands are making menacing motions with their pitchforks. Ol’ Sparky, the Eisenhower-era mainframe, isn’t sparking. The machine had, after all, predicted a Packer victory Sunday. Ergo, the results you thought you saw on the TV or read in the morning paper cannot be true.

The white lab coats here at the Policy Werkes refuse to accept the results of the NFC championship game. Clearly, the Russians have twiddled with the scoreboard. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman showed their bias against the Packers by relaying secret codes to the Falcon quarterback through some kind of wireless device in his helmet. Or molars. Breitbart moved the goalposts on Mason Crosby’s field goal. A DNC operative greased the football on Ripkowski’s carry in the red zone. Muslim jihadists put germs in Green Bay ’s Gatorade. That’s why everyone in Green and Gold was sick.

The Squire is sick. He demands a do-over. Who’s with me? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? This situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part! Packer fans, meet me at Library Mall for the march to the Capitol. We’ll chant meaningless slogans. This will be a hissy fit for the ages. Grief counsellors, man (and woman) your battle stations.

If we protest long enough, loud enough, and often enough, we can change the scoreboard. This, I believe. I do. … I really do.

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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6 Responses to Packers beat Falcons, go to Super Bowl

  1. Leo says:

    The crooked media is lying about the Packers losing in Atlanta, much like they lied about the
    size of Trump’s inaugural throng. Media go straight to hell and Green Bay goes on to the
    Super Bowl. You heard it here first.

    Like

  2. Carmine says:

    🙂 Funny!

    Like

  3. Madison Expat says:

    NOT my score!

    Like

  4. madisonexpat says:

    On the drive home after the game, wife called daughter. Seven year old grand daughter got on the line.
    Gramma: “Got any words to cheer up your sad grampa?”
    “Uh yeah. SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!”
    I felt better immediately

    Like

  5. Leo says:

    Yes, don’t believe your lyin eyes and ears. What you thought you saw and heard on Friday and Sundy is simply not true. There were a billion people in Washington to watch history unfold and the Packers crushed the Falcons on their way to the Super Bowl. Look beyond the mainstream
    media for the real story. Alternate reality is always more fun than the real one.

    Like

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