Boiling 13 ways to deter police shootings down to one

Are we clear?

Featured on the front page of the opinion section of Madison’s favorite Sunday newspaper, Gerald and Merle Sternberg put a lot of thought into devising “13 ways to deter police shootings” in the wake of Corey Ruiz’ shooting death. Too much thought. 

The Sternbergs’ third point suggests the tone:

3) If use of the officer’s firearm is necessary to protect the officer or someone at the scene of apprehension, the discharge of the firearm should be toward body parts that would most likely not cause death, unless it is clear that the suspect is using lethal force.

Is that clear? You’re wrestling a guy slashing at you with a knife on the hard pavement in the heat of summer in the middle of a busy intersection and you’re supposed to wing him — think QUICK NOW! — in his … GAWDAMMIT! Would you hold your body parts still!

While Paul Simon had 50 ways to leave his lover, we put more stock into the observation Polonius made to Hamlet’s parents: “Brevity is the soul of wit … your noble son is mad.” Moses got by with 10 commandments. Blaska boils the Sternbergs’ thirteen casuistic rules of unilateral police disengagement into just One Rule to Survive to Steal Another Day:

1) Do not resist arrest.

If the Sternbergs and their African-American and Jewish Friendship Group want to save the lives of suicidally stupid offenders, they could post a video showing how one puts together one’s wrists for handcuffing purposes. The voice-over would remind perpetrators that “There are more of them than there are of you. Take the free hot and a cot. With any luck, Judge Mitchell will have you back out on the street by morning.” Before the cop has his second doughnut.

Blaska’s Bottom Line: The police monitor could conduct live handcuffing demonstrations on taxpayer-financed Freedom Inc. employees at the Corey Ruiz memorial. Along with face painting and balloons. 

Would that work?