Back to the future?
It’s a mash-up of our favorite movies, a little Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and that Henry Fonda movie, The Ox-Bow Incident. At the head of a citizens’ army, Donald J. Trump marches into the chamber of the House of Representatives to confront Mike Pence, who did not have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our country and the Constitution.
Nor does the Secret Service. They yank the spark plugs from The Beast in a futile bid to prevent Trump from driving himself to the nation’s Capitol. No worries. The 45th President hitches a ride with a not-too Proud Boy from Shiocton, graciously agreeing to ride in the bed of the pickup truck with Zed and The Gimp, last seen in that pawn shop in Pulp Fiction. (Zed wasn’t dead after all!)
The fighting at the barricades is fierce but over-matched police — modern-day Redcoats — retreat at the sight of the 45th President — blue-faced like Mel Gibson in Braveheart — courageously ramming the staff of Old Glory through the Capitol’s windows. (Note to Ben Mankiewicz: it’s a metaphor for the screwing America was getting.) “Fight like hell,” the President shouts. “You’ll never win by being weak!”
Once inside, there is no stopping the patriots (except for Rudy, who had discovered Nancy Pelosi’s cache of cabernet sauvignon). Maniacally arching his eyebrows and bugging his eyes, Trump drives an axe into the mahogany doors of the House chamber. “Here’s Johnny!” he announces.
Smelling of bear piss, patriots clad in body armor and camo follow their Dear Leader into the House chamber. The QAnon shaman dangles a taunting noose. He cackles like Virgil Tibbs’ factory floor antagonists in In the Heat of the Night. (Trump will later name him attorney general.) Mitch McConnell retreats into his protective carapace. One of the good ol’ boys orders Adam Schiff to make noises like a pig. Soo-EEE! The camera averts its gaze.
Trump grabs Mike Pence, kisses him full on the mouth. “You broke my heart. You broke my heart.” Pence breaks away, Trump cries after him, “You’re still my vice president.” The veep is believed to be somewhere in New York City, very afraid.
Blaska’s Closing Credits: Indicate open-ended pardons were issued for everyone — for a small donation.