Blaska Policy Werkes is a nanoparticle, isonogenic protein-based blog proven 99 percent effective at entertaining readers in Phase III trials and 89 percent effective against critical race theorists, overly Woke progressives, and militant social justice warriors. Use only as directed. Report any unusual swelling or discharge on social media.
The gray lab coats at the Werkes are compiling a list of progressive buzz words that should, upon hearing, cause John and Jane Q. Citizen to howl like werewolves of London. (Ah-WOO!)
• When a Prog says “Unmet needs,” he’s talking about shoveling more free stuff at the punks stealing your cars. Maybe a neighborhood pickle ball court will set the young warlords straight.
• “Invest in” translates to “hold onto your wallets; we’re buying more gummint.”
• “Nuanced” means you wouldn’t understand it, you knuckle-dragging Deplorable.
More nefarious is “Root Causes.”
Somewhere, over the rainbow
Like the fabled Seven Cities of Cibola, the Left is always trying to find Root Causes. Which is why police from four jurisdictions finally caught up with a 17-year-old and two 15-year-old boys on Turbot Drive, Fitchburg WI. The three are believed responsible for a string of home burglaries and automobile thefts, as well as pistol-whipping a 14-year-old girl. (Progressives: Kids these days!) Found two handguns, one of them a 9 mm semi-automatic. (Progressives: Damn the NRA!) One of the younger boys was wearing a GPS ankle bracelet. In other words, this was not his first rodeo. (Progressives: Police Out of Schools!)
Because Dane County’s district attorney and Juvenile Court Judge Everett Mitchell are all about finding Root Causes. (A good bet is they trace them to 1619.) Until they do, young Marquon Webb and his playmates (you can be certain) will be equipped with new ankle jewelry, free to break into a garage near you.
(This is as good a place as any to renew our quest to charge the custodial adults of these whipper snappers with the same crimes — in adult court.)
I got yer Root Causes right here!
Which brings us to Kamala Harris. (As all things must.) The vice president will not go to the southern border for one essential rule of smart politics: avoid bad optics. A record 180,034 migrants besieged the border last month alone — eight times the numbers in the terrible awful days of that mean Mr. Mustard president. No, instead, our Kamala must travel to Guatemala in search of Root Causes. The essential Holman Jenkins gets down and pithy:
Root Causes … is what you say when you know that what you’re doing isn’t going to work, the implication being that it really can’t be fixed at all.
The President of Guatamala (one pictures sandbags, fixed bayonets, and 24/7 firing squads outside his presidential palace) did his own précis on Joe Biden’s Day One de-Trumpificiation of immigration policy:
“The message changed to: ‘We are going to reunite families and we are going to reunite children.’ The very next day the coyotes here were organizing groups of children to take them to the United States.”
Blaska’s Bottom Line: In other words: Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are the root cause of the assault on the border. By the same token, progressivism is the root cause of the upswing of crime in Madison and throughout the nation. Because they vilify personal responsibility! Until scientists find the Root Causes of progressivism, we must head it off at the border.