We predict: Year 2020 to end midnight 12-31-20!
The no longer-white lab coats at Blaska Policy Werkes (and Tanning Salon) fired up Ol’ Sparky (our Eisenhower-era you know what) to predict what lies ahead in the New Year so that you can be prepared for tonight’s virtual New Year’s Eve parties. Loyal readers may remember that we predicted that 2020 would be the greatest year in American history, that Trump would be re-elected by a landslide, and that the Wisconsin Badgers would win the national football championship. (We blame Dominion voting machines.)
Now let’s get back to the future of 2021:
- The two Georgia Republicans are defeated, making “Comma La” Harris even more insufferable (which scientists thought impossible).
- State Street merchants apply for status as demilitarized zone, eligible for foreign aid.
- Shon Barnes backs out; PFC names Brenda Konkel next chief of police.
- Chamber of Commerce members blast bullhorns and bright lights at midnight visit to Brandi Grayson’s residence.
- After beating K.C. Chiefs in Super Bowl, celebrating Packers drop and break Lombardi trophy.
- Council fires Milwaukee police chief Alfonso Morales for a second time.
- Robin Vos returns a phone call from Gov. Evers, leaves message.
- Madison common council legalizes crime to reduce jail population.
- Texas declares itself the Second Republic of Texas, remembers Alamo.
- Iceberg that calved off Antarctica named 52nd state after Puerto Rico but spoils Democrat plans by voting Republican.
- Hunter Biden sent to Las Vegas to learn the casino business under the protection of the Molinari family.
- Special prosecutor John “Bull” Durham indicts Hillary Clinton, James Comey, and “Nuke” LaLoosh for throwing the game.
- Council fires Milwaukee police chief Alfonso Morales for a third time.
- Dr. Fauci joins cast of Dr. Pimple Popper on the TLC channel.
- Trump wins Nobel Peace Prize. Obama returns his.
- Joe Biden wanders away from the White House in his jammies one night, requiring Kamala Harris to act as president under the 25th Amendment until he is found..
- Justice Brian Hagedorn rules in favor of conservatives but is minority in a 6-1 decision.
- Last Wisconsin Covid-19 case recorded on November 1. Madison public schools teach stolen car driver’s ed.
- Milwaukee police chief Alfonso Morales fired for a fourth time.
- Blaska Policy Werkes wins Pulitzer Prize for sheer audacity!