Last-minute Christmas gifts

It’s a little appreciated (for good reason) Christmas tradition here at the Stately Manor: our gray lab coat-approved Christmas giving catalog. These are gifts truly better given than received.

It’s hard to Ho Ho Ho without stressing out the Covid-wary who mask up while driving solo in their automobiles. Here’s the solution:


Ever try to light up while dodging the protestors on Madison’s Beltline Highway? Think of it as a safety device. (May be back-ordered to about 1955.) Cancer sticks and ashtray not included. Also suitable for office desks.


You’re (the contraction for you are) asking, but what about my goat?  Now you can bring little Billy along! (Back ordered through 1950.)

Teach your kids about the Constitution, especially the Second Amendment. And, yeah, all boys DID want a .22 Back In The Day. (Good luck finding ammo these days.)


Who couldn’t use a little beauty in their lives? Especially when it’s 3-D! And all-natural! (Take our word for it because the advertisement is in glorious black and white.)


Prepare your kids for a job in the Evers/Biden administration.


Light up your Christmas tree but don’t let Tony Evers see it!


Wouldn’t be Christmas without Cousin Eddie.

Cousin Eddie

Hey sports fans! Everyone knows we cheer for our favorite sports teams because they are named after that which we despise. If Cleveland can change the name of its baseball team, what’s to stop the Colts from changing the name of their city (Indianapolis)?


Know anybody in California? (Hi Rich, Margaret, and Jax!) Give them something they can really use.

map of Texas

Putting Hey-Soos back in Christmas, “This hipster nativity scene comes complete with an organic cow eating gluten-free food, suspender-wearing wisemen holding Amazon Prime gifts on Segways, and Mary and Joseph taking a selfie with baby Jesus “fresh off a Whole Foods shopping spree.” (Burning hillside not included.)

Christ in Christmas

Our Bottom Line: On behalf of the indentured servants at the Stately Manor, unlettered field hands of the Experimental Work Farm (and Penal Colony), and gray lab coats of Blaska Policy Werkes, the head groundskeeper wishes all a Merry Christmas! (Yes, even Lesiak.)

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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15 Responses to Last-minute Christmas gifts

  1. richard lesiak says:

    Thanks for the Holiday Greetings Dave. Same to you. May your next midnight door knock be the pizza guy.


  2. Good Dog,Happy Man says:

    “A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition.”
    — Rudyard Kipling

    Yeah, I’m easy to shop for, but in the Spirit of Christmas, let me give Blasker’s blogeurres a gift of music. Alfred Burt wrote a Xmas carol each year as a gift for his children. Here’s my top fave:

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good Dog,Happy Man says:

    Don’t know why the link didn’t show up, but Take 2:

    Jackson Browne also has a cover of “Some Children See Him” that’s just as tasty.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gary Kriewald says:

    Oh, God, the 1950s–the last time America was America. I thank my lucky stars I lived through them during my long-lost youth. I remember one Christmas getting a pair of baby turtles whose shells had been painted yellow and red and plastered with some sort of decal. (You could go to the dime store and see dozens of them skittering around in their little plastic terrariums. Long before the advent of the animal rights movement–one of the few worthwhile post-50s phenomena.


  5. Cornelius Gotchberg says:

    “You’re (the contraction for you are) asking, but what about my goat?” (bolds/italics mine) (Heh!)

    Anywho, Greatest Of All Time is a reference directed toward few and deserved by fewer.

    Glass half full?

    WESconsin has more than its fair share of MVP‘s; Yelly in Baseball, ARod in Football, and Dah Greek Freak in Basketball.

    As Muh Dawg always says (sometimes) Life Is Good In the CheddarHood>!


    The Gotch

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A Party of One says:

    If Mittens Romney had only had one of those goat bags for his dog, we might have been spared an additional 4 years of Obama!!!


  7. pANTIFArts says:

    The goat bag is a tempting Christmas gift for the “hard to buy for”. One problem I see though, once you hang your goat, you will have to slam the door on his head when you get IN the car. (This sometimes has adverse effects on the goat.) Solution: Turn the bag around. (1) Where you are going is none of the goat’s business. (2) Facing backwards prevents mud and bugs from clogging up his nose and teeth.
    I would think that a couple of “rides” in this thing would make them MUCH better behaved, for when you let them back in the car.
    Question: Does this come in a Kevlar model for URBAN goat enthusiasts?


  8. pANTIFArts says:

    Merry Christmas Antifa—
    You claim that we all are just fascists,
    While you burn our cities to ashes.
    Your minds are all “simple”
    You’ve the charm of a pimple.
    On the rump of mankind, you’re just rashes.

    Merry Christmas Black Lives Matter—
    The cash to “Black Lives” keeps flowing.
    Ten “Bil” from “Big Business” and growing.
    Just PROVE that you care,
    Then stay “out of their “hair”.
    (Lest their Socialist “roots” are still showing.)


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