The Streets of Madison — unsafe at any speed

A Quinn-Martin production

Blaska’s Overly Woke Master Plan for Madison calls for teaching “Restorative Driver’s Ed” in the public schools. Hey, if kids are going to steal cars — and are they ever! — the least they could do is drive them safely. Someone is going to get killed one of these days.


While Mayor Satya and Madison alders are busy handcuffing the police:

A 12-year-old girls steals a car Tuesday morning (07-14-2020) and drives every which way but loose on Gammon Road, driving in the wrong traffic lane, jumping a curb, taking out a mailbox, veering into the other side of the road and smashing a dresser that had been placed at the cub for trash pickup. Car continues across a sidewalk, narrowly missing two trees. Stops just before hitting an apartment building.

Direct from the police report“The girl admitted to police she did not know how to operate the car.” Thanks for clearing that up! Blaska’s Restorative Driver’s Ed would have the young lady seeing the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet! (Big Dinah Shore smooch.)

tenorSpeaking of the Streets of Madison, another young car thief tried to take the middle car and ram his way out of a driveway full of cars. It did not end well. Now, if he had graduated Restorative Driver’s Ed … (Incident report.)


Shoot-out in the Wild West side

Running gun battle b/w two cars began at the BP gas station at 699 S. Gammon Rd., with one man firing a handgun at another man. The victim drove away with the suspect following in another. The chase went from the W. Beltline Highway to Whitney Way, where both cars exited. They next sped along Schroeder Rd., to Hathaway Dr., to Woodington Way, to Frisch Rd. and onto Raymond Rd.

Police recovered shell casings all along the route. (See Blaska’s proposal for curbside receptacles to recycle spent brass.) Wednesday night (07-15-2020) a random motorist reported finding two bullet holes in the bumper of his van. (More here.) Look on the bright side: more aerodynamic that way!

Shootout at Balsam Drive and Leland Road. Police found a 32-year-old resident bleeding heavily. He had been shot twice and had lost a lot of blood. Witnesses reported seeing two people carrying a second injured man into a car. Shortly thereafter, a 23-year-old described in the incident report as “a Chicago man” arrived at hospital emergency room. He had suffered a gunshot wound to the torso and said he could not feel his legs. This semester only: special segment on driving with hand controls!

A.O.C. would say he was tired of going barefoot

Man, age 29, took “hundreds of dollars worth of shoes” from Dicks Sporting Goods at West Towne Mall. At gunpoint. The suspect flees driving the wrong way on the Interstate highway “with a subject pointing a gun out the window.” State patrol chasesand the robber crashesd his car. (One imagines shoes scattered all over the highway but still seeking dash cam video.) (More here.)

Slot cars #2

Stolen slot cars not included

⇒ The lesson plan for Blaska’s Restorative Driver’s Ed would include a segment on driving while armed and dangerous. The gray lab coats here at the Werkes figure there will be funds for Restorative Driver’s Ed if the voters of Madison pony up that extra $350 million our Progressive Dane school board is seeking in the November election referendum for their closed-down schools. Especially now that they expelled the school resource police officers.

Blaska’s Bottom Line: Our liberal-progressive-socialist acquaintances (for they ARE our acquaintances) are worried sick about sending kids back to school this fall. “If we send them to school, they might get sick or might get others sick,” The Nation magazine frets. “My first job is to keep my children safe. Sending them to a physical building with a bunch of other people doesn’t feel safe right now.” At least the kids would be off Madison’s streets and in the Restorative Driver’s Ed simulator!

If our acquaintances were really worried about kids’ well being, they would shut down Chicago. Or reinstate Madison’s school resource officers.

What is driving YOU batty?

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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11 Responses to The Streets of Madison — unsafe at any speed

  1. Kevin S Wymore says:

    I am of the not-so-tender age that the whole concept of school-based driver education resonates deeply. I drove those clunky simulators, before they went the way of the DARE program.

    With this cultural advantage, (DARE I say privilege?) this Blaska column knocks it out of the park.

    …Might I use another dated cultural touchstone, that of baseball?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Mark Porter says:

    Who the hell leaves their keys in their unlocked car anyway?!


    • richard lesiak says:

      the same people who leave their garage door opener in their unlocked car. then complain about being robbed and their guns are missing. you know the rest of the story.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dejohnaise says:

    RE: Dick’s shoe heist – Why is there a description of the getaway car “gray sedan, possibly a Ford Taurus” but no description of the bandit?

    Liked by 2 people

    • jimydandy says:

      Because it beez da usual suspects?


    • Equality4All says:

      Because, if the “bandit” is of any ethnic origin other than those with the palest skin, using any accurate description of them would be a racist action which would, of course, be likely to spark a fresh new set of violent riots; thus to prevent retaliation, they dare not give an accurate description of the criminal.


  4. Robski says:

    You really have to keep your head on a swivel out there. I’ve always found a great deal of Madison drivers to be incompetent, rude and rather annoying. But that annoyance is nothing compared to the reckless and novice car thieves out here. I’ve just missed out on a couple crashes timing wise recently and have even driven past a wrecked and stolen/abandoned Honda on John Nolen Dr. earlier this spring. I was listening to a rolling car chase on the MPDs scanner feed the other night. Units were basically following a stolen Porsche around the city from afar, seemingly rendered powerless in intercepting the car as to not endanger other motorists. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, It was pathetic. You could go and run errands in a stolen vehicle and still be tailed by the polices and go to the greasy Motel 6 without impedance. People have to wise up, this isn’t Mayberry. You have to expect the unexpected and keep tabs on your ish. You might be able to leave the keys in your grandmas rusty Hornet Sportabout. But not in the Porsche. It is not even safe riding a bike in this town anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Cornelius Gotchberg says:

    C’mon Blaska; the X-Chromosomal Unit operating a vehicle without the owner’s consent was just a BORED TEEN.

    Wait a minute.

    A 12 year-old is not a teen?

    Never mind….

    The Gotch


  6. Ed says:

    Dave your humor on such a sad state of fairs was great,

    I doubt the the Dane County Judges will ever get serious about sentencing these underage criminal delinquent driver. They foolish will give them restorative justice. Whatever the hell that means, Regardless if they plow into judge’s car and that judge is paralyzed or worse is killed.

    What crazy nonsense, lets keep rewarding a negative behavior to encourage more and more of it. At the sometime, those who leave there keys in the car and/or they doors unlocked/open are responsible as the goofy judges that let the little criminal go free.


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