No more smiling minorities?

Researchers at Blaska Policy Werkes are burning their white lab coats for the obvious racist implications and replacing them with carefully nuanced shades of gray. Non-committal. Never know what will be taken as racist, these days.

Indentured servants are rummaging through the fridge and cupboards at the Stately Manor, tossing out anything that might be offend the buttercups who run the City of Madison before the Squire is subjected to a midnight visit from Freedom Inc. and related Marxists.

Land O Lakes has already retired our beloved butter maiden. A pretty young lady holding the product, in the background a pristine northwoods lake. We are so OFFENDED!

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No more smiling black people?

Now Aunt Jemima joins her in oblivion. CNN reports that …

The brand’s origin and logo is based off the song “Old Aunt Jemima” from a minstrel show performer and reportedly sung by slaves. The company’s website said the logo started in 1890 and was based on Nancy Green, a “storyteller, cook and missionary worker.” However, the website fails to mention Green was born into slavery. 

“Old Aunt Jemima?” Wasn’t that a Harry Chapin tune? No? Even the unlettered field hands here at the Experimental Work Farm are unfamiliar with that one. Then again, they’re more into stadium rock.

“Fails to mention slavery?” The product’s logo depicts a strong, proud woman of color to our eyes. Guess we’re just not hearing that dog whistle we conservatives are supposed to keep hearing. (Is it like tinnitus?) 

Inquiring minds want to know: are any depictions of happy (and plucky) minority persons allowed any more? Or are only angry social justice warriors permitted? Pour a little high-fructose hate on your morning pancakes with the cop-bashing tenured Communist, Angela Davis.

The Great Purge continues

Something Stalin-esque going on here. Even matronly Mrs. Butterworth is under attack. (We thought she was Mrs. Doubtfire.) That’s an easy fix. She is now Mizz Butterworth. Better yet, mold her a mustache and call her transgender!

The African-American chef on Cream of Wheat? Draw him pouring the lava-like substance on his master’s lap as payback for 400 years of oppression (and bland breakfasts) — the look of horror on the scalded white man’s face should sell a million boxes.

Uncle Ben’s Rice is more challenging. “Uncle” anything is redolent of Uncle Tom. Would Uncle Ben’s rice work better as George Floyd’s rice? Perhaps the late petty criminal could be the face of a line of C-pap machines? (Too soon?)

We’re guessing Madison’s Rocky Rococo pizza guy insults Italians. Goodbye to the Irish leprechaun on the Lucky Charms breakfast cereal (they wouldn’t make it if it wasn’t good for you.) That Columbian coffee guy — is Juan Valdez wearing a sombrero and leading a donkey? (Oh, Pancho! Oh, Cee-sco! Ha ha ha!)

If there was one advertising mascot the heads groundskeeper here at the Werkes would like to whack, personally, it would be that “Flo” on the the Progressive insurance commercials. The woman scares the bejeepers out of me. (So does the company name.)  And she’s white! (Like most Progressives.) Al- … most … Too … WHITE! It’s as if she’s preparing to put on the rubber examination glove. Nurse Ratched’s twisted sister.

True story

(We do that every now and again.) Back around 1998 or so, Linda Stewart was secretary of the WI Dept. of Workforce Development. African-American herself, she spoke to a black community group in Milwaukee about Gov. Tommy Thompson’s welfare-to-independence programs. Her speech completed, the grateful audience presented the secretary with a fresh box of Aunt Jemima pancake mix. Nice. Only proved the audience’s addiction to government servitude.

Blaska’s Bottom Line: Sometimes products do acquire an undeserved reputation. But the Indian maiden?

What product offends YOU?