Read this Blogge! Dammit!

Tip-toeing around inconvenient tulips

If the presses at 1901 Fish Hatchery Road, Madison, print one last paper version of the Wisconsin State Journal, it will be deposited on the driveway at Stately Blaska Manor.   

We require high-quality newsprint. The Squire spent 12 years of his misspent youth across the hall at The Capital Times. Wrote a few news story headlines back in the day. Two columns, two decks of 36-point Bodoni bold? We’re on it.

Newspaper reader

The best headlines are vivid. Succinct. Monosyllabic. Action verb. Never the passive voice. The story: Inmate at Mendota Mental Hospital escapes and commits rape. The headline:

Nut bolts and screws

(Mother told me that one.) I’ve always wanted to report a major fire under a 96-point headline that read, simply:

BIG-ASS FIRE!

Subhead: “Run for it!” If we could figure the technology, would singe and blacken the edges of each page and imbue each copy  with the smell of smoke. Smell-o-Vision for print! (Blaska Policy Werkes has more ideas, publishers, but at a price. Terms negotiable.)

Spit it out, boobelah

After ignoring the allegation against Joe Biden, the Trump Resistance Media now often underplays the stories it cannot avoid reporting. They bowdlerize their headlines so they won’t be portrayed in Trump campaign advertising. Most infamously, the Washington Post headlined one revelation supporting Tara Reade: “Trump allies highlight new claims regarding allegations against Biden.”

That’s the equivalent of Rep. Ilhan Omar’s cynical dismissal of 9/11. In the Biden case her headline would be: “Some person might have done something to someone.”

PBS is no better. Her neighbor came forward to confirm that Tara Reade related Biden’s alleged assault contemporaneously with the event. The headline: “New information emerges around Biden sexual assault allegation.” Talk about burying the lede! How about: “Witness seconds Biden accuser’s story”? Is that so hard? Instead we get pablum like:

“New information emerges around Biden sexual assault allegation”

Having trouble seeing it? Surprised they didn’t use disappearing ink! By the same metric, the first drafts of history would be headlined:

New information emerges around World Trade Center stability

Unforeseen developments at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, cause concern

President’s itinerary in Dallas subjected to last-minute revision

hitlerreading2

“Many Germans make unannounced visit to neighboring Poland”

We see that the Madison school district is beefing up its Behavior Education Plan. Yes, the public schools are getting tough on … vaping! Juul’s research department should get to work to determine if one demographic vapes more than another. Could get MMSD to reverse course, grovel, and beg absolution for their privilege. 

Blaska’s Bottom-feeding Headline: _____________________ .

What do YOU think?

About David Blaska

Madison WI
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1 Response to Read this Blogge! Dammit!

  1. dad29 says:

    These city kids playing “reporter”……..https://dad29.blogspot.com/2020/05/meat-farmers.html

    You couldn’t top that headline for unintended humor, Dave.

    Like

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