Predictions you can take to the bank (of the Crawfish River)!
Lab-tested, scientifically proven!
The white lab coats here at Blaska Policy Werkes took the tarp off Ol’ Sparky, squirted a little WD40 on the gears before jump-starting the Eisenhower-era mainframe computer (it’s fully amortized). We asked the clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligenous junk: What Lies in Store for the Year 2020? (Sounds like that dreadful Zager & Evans song which ought to be the theme song of that bratty little Swedish girl who pesters everyone about climate-change.)
The envelope, please!
Jimmy Graham actually catches an Aaron Rodgers pass to win Super Bowl LIV! (It lodges in his face mask.)
Madison schools name Kaleem Caire superintendent after seventh-graders hijack fleet of school district maintenance vehicles, drag race them on Regent Street.
Taking mercy on headline writers, Giannis Antetokounmpo changes his legal name to Johnny άλφα (Alpha).
Gordon Sondland named ambassador to Antarctica.
Bob Uecker plays first base in Brewers’ opener until management can re-sign Jesus Aguilar.
Trey Gowdy succeeds the Notorious R.G.B. on the Supreme Court.
Striking blow for diversity, Madison Police & Fire Commission names David Clarke new police chief.
Edgewood girls soccer game breaks out in front of City-County Building.
James Clapper, John Brennan, and Andrew McCabe do the perp walk, gangnam style.
In exchange for getting his fourth agriculture secretary confirmed, Tony Evers declares Wisconsin a Second Amendment sanctuary state.
After Brenda Konkel expels Satya Rhodes-Conway from Progressive Dane, Madison’s mayor resigns to enter Monster Truck Demolition circuit.
Vicki McKenna replaces Rachel Maddow as thoroughly discredited MSNBC does complete overhaul. Brian Schimming replaces Pajama Boy.
CNN becomes a shopping channel. Don Lemon sells Invicta watches.
California bans electricity.
Pope Francis converts to Catholicism.
Milwaukee Mayor Barrett issues urgent, nationwide plea for more 4 x 8 plywood panels the week of July 13-16.
Keynote address at Democratic National Convention delivered by bratty little girl from Sweden. Forecast: Global climate change, with a chance of meatballs.
Ismael Ozanne defeated for re-elected as Dane County district attorney by former police chief Mike Koval.
James Comey disappears into witness protection program.
The Klobuchar/Buttigieg ticket loses pivotal Wisconsin after the Waukesha county clerk remembers to submit Brookfield’s results.
John Nichols seeks asylum in Cuba.
What are YOUR predictions? (Not that anyone cares.)